Marriage and Unemployment Archives - Page 4 of 5

Marriage and the Unemployed Spouse

When one job-seeking unemployed spouse is out of work, it affects everyone in the family. Enough studies substantiate that affected married people feel loads of stress, and sometimes, the solutions are not easy.

I came across this study recently that connected distress and marriages with at least one unemployed spouse. This study was good for me to read, having experienced all of these hypothesizes, and found solutions that worked.

The study: Song Z, Foo M, Uy M, Sun S. “Unraveling the daily stress crossover between unemployed individuals and their employed spouses.” Journal of Applied Psychology. January 2011;96(1):151-168.

End-of-day distress of the employed spouse will relate positively to end-of-day distress of the unemployed spouse.

Perceived daily marital support will mediate the relationship between end-of-day distress of the employed spouse and end-of-day distress of the unemployed spouse.

Daily family hassles shared by spouses will be related to end-of-day distress of both spouses.

(a) Daily financial strain, (b) daily deprivation of time structure, and (c) daily negative search experience will be positively related to distress experienced by the unemployed spouse.5. (a) Daily work stress, (b) daily work–family conflict, and (c) daily family–work conflict will be positively related to end-of-day distress of the employed spouse.6. Marital satisfaction will moderate the stress crossover between spouses. Specifically, distress crossover between spouses will be stronger in unsatisfied than in satisfied marriages.

As I know that studies can be boring and direction-less, these are my suggestions to help diminish these particular distresses in a marriage.

Couples should learn to be affectionate early in the marriage, and be accepting of each others’ “crosses to bear” early in marriage. Complaining alone does not add up to openness. Openness alone will not result in resolution. Combination of either does not get you hired, but affection offers a world where two people can meet in the middle.
Support in a marriage includes being truthful when it hurts. Yes, it is painful at the time, but it is the beginning of healing. It could also include one spouse saying, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself, keep trying.”
Young children should be a part of that refuge. During my unemployment grind eight years, playing with my little boys eased much of the pain. As everyone knows, children are not the place to unload nor an emotional dumping ground.
Unemployment can be a root of many problems: Lack of money, time management, and self-control. During stressful episodes, my wife and I learned to co-exist in areas of agreement, and was diligent about creating more opportunities to encourage each other. Agreeing takes more energy than to disagree, and it is more challenging sustain.
Frequent sharing of job hunting victories will show transparency, build trust, and release stress. It is another place of refuge in your during distressful times, especially for the spouse out of work.

Are you married and unemployed? Is your spouse unemployed, and you are the one carrying the financial load? Can you relate to any of these points?

Please share in the comments below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Does Marriage Add Value to Your Career

Marriage makes us better. Two is better than one. Spouses (at least wives) add value to character, life, and value to your career. My wife makes the difference in my work world. She can’t tell me how to do it, but she is aware of my strengths. Somehow, it translates to my abilities. Amazing.

We acknowledge this as a solid business practice.

The forward pass is nothing. It takes two.

The song, “It Takes Two” by Marvin Gaye and Kim Weston would mean nothing if it were only Marvin or Kim.

When it comes to the value of your career, does your spouse or partner complete you at work? Does he or she inspire you? Do you work hard or him or her?

If you do, how romantic?

If you don’t, I think that’s OK.

Your Spouse, the Value Creator

Unemployment exploits the best and worse of our character, marriage, and jobs. On this blog, we like to think the best, and add value to your career. I have talked about being transparent before, but the invaluable attribute that transparency bring is that your spouse sees the true you. More often than not, those words are truthful, painful, and sometimes delightful.

Couples that sustain long and happy unions find healing from wisdom lost beneath the screeching or booming delivery. Does our quiet spouse have wisdom behind their banter, or did we marry them to neglect?

Read: 9 Reasons Your Spouse Lost Their Mind When You Lost Your Job

It Takes More Than Finishing Sentences to add Value to Your Career

I giggle each time a couple talk about their compatibility. My wife used to say when we were single that she was perfect for me because she fits right under my arm pit. The common phrase is, “he/she finishes my sentences.” Although silly and cute for that moment, not that it lacks meaning, but I’ve had coworkers that finished my sentences. Maybe I am that obtuse, or spouses know one another. Your sweet-baby-sugar, your boo, can see things that resume writers and career coaches don’t see.

Read: Going From Significant Other to Jobless Other, and More unnecessary Un-Motivational Jabs

Let’s Face It, You’ve Heard It For Years

Your spouse tells you what other people told you. You’re selfish, greedy, angry, insensitive, chauvinistic, self-absorbed, and inconsiderate. All of what employers can’t stand either. My premise that marriage does add value to a career is…well…old-fashion. Did past supervisors in the past tell you that you work too independently? That you take criticism too personally? Shortcomings appear and re-appear in different ways.

Your spouse was trying to help, even in his or her twisted and the self-absorbed way.

For better or worse, richer or poor, your spouse increases your value a whole bunch once you see through lifted toilet seats, and smudged make-up. No telling, they might help you impress somebody influential.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Hired By The Spouse, to Marry the Job Hunt

When one spouse is out of work, the other becomes the boss. That’s how the job hunt works during marriage. One becomes the slave, the other, Master. This dynamic occurs without divine intervention, or gene pooling.

The unemployed or underemployed spouse is now at the other’s mercy. The employed spouse lifted his or her hands to the heavens and claim deity. As Jake Elwood would say, “I’m on a mission from God!”

Spoil A Messy Job Search and Marriage

Now you are your spouse’s mission from God. Not all marrieds haze their spouse in this way. There are some amicable agreements that spouses work out initially. Some start out well, and others toggle between the Spanish Inquisition and the 1969 version of Woodstock (minus the muck and mire).

The problem is how the unemployed spouse responds to this new form of hierarchy. Many were ambushed, and others saw this new role coming like a slow sunrise. The vulnerable job hunting spouse, who feels like a castrated eunuch, chooses life as a job seeker. Depending on the spouses temperance, he or she will marry the job hunt.

Maybe a castrated eunuch is too harsh, but more of a circumcised adult. But, I have digressed.

No one should feel desperate. Both spouses feel the burden of having to press the panic button in finding a new gig, but express it and go about it differently. Whatever the case may be, both should be transparent. Even if, either spouse says, “I trust you.”

Transparent

Transparent, means letting your spouse view the righteous and evil of your efforts:

1. Using one method of researching job looks lazy. It’s understandable that either spouse, regardless of an 100% effort from the other who is looking, request copious accountability. The best way to diffuse the bomb before it detonates: offer a general play-by-play of how things are going. Daily. Some spouses need it, and some don’t, but all spouses appreciate the forthrightness.

2. Ask for help, advice, and direction even when they have nothing to offer. This will also help your spouse remain quiet, contained, and patient. Let them see your struggles, and help them to celebrate any progress you experience.

3. Your patience, temperament, and diligence delivers the message of how tough it is in the job hunt. You won’t have to remind him or her of the challenges. They will see it, and will help you make it.

It would be a shame a spouse choose to marry the job hunt. Somewhere in this land, someone married their job, but there are obvious reasons why or why not.

I wonder. Does it hurt to drive a spouse employed, just as a job would drive a spouse to marry? Does that make sense?