When one spouse is out of work, the other becomes the boss. That’s how the job hunt works during marriage. One becomes the slave, the other, Master. This dynamic occurs without divine intervention, or gene pooling.
The unemployed or underemployed spouse is now at the other’s mercy. The employed spouse lifted his or her hands to the heavens and claim deity. As Jake Elwood would say, “I’m on a mission from God!”
Spoil A Messy Job Search and Marriage
Now you are your spouse’s mission from God. Not all marrieds haze their spouse in this way. There are some amicable agreements that spouses work out initially. Some start out well, and others toggle between the Spanish Inquisition and the 1969 version of Woodstock (minus the muck and mire).
The problem is how the unemployed spouse responds to this new form of hierarchy. Many were ambushed, and others saw this new role coming like a slow sunrise. The vulnerable job hunting spouse, who feels like a castrated eunuch, chooses life as a job seeker. Depending on the spouses temperance, he or she will marry the job hunt.
Maybe a castrated eunuch is too harsh, but more of a circumcised adult. But, I have digressed.
No one should feel desperate. Both spouses feel the burden of having to press the panic button in finding a new gig, but express it and go about it differently. Whatever the case may be, both should be transparent. Even if, either spouse says, “I trust you.”
Transparent
Transparent, means letting your spouse view the righteous and evil of your efforts:
1. Using one method of researching job looks lazy. It’s understandable that either spouse, regardless of an 100% effort from the other who is looking, request copious accountability. The best way to diffuse the bomb before it detonates: offer a general play-by-play of how things are going. Daily. Some spouses need it, and some don’t, but all spouses appreciate the forthrightness.
2. Ask for help, advice, and direction even when they have nothing to offer. This will also help your spouse remain quiet, contained, and patient. Let them see your struggles, and help them to celebrate any progress you experience.
3. Your patience, temperament, and diligence delivers the message of how tough it is in the job hunt. You won’t have to remind him or her of the challenges. They will see it, and will help you make it.
It would be a shame a spouse choose to marry the job hunt. Somewhere in this land, someone married their job, but there are obvious reasons why or why not.
I wonder. Does it hurt to drive a spouse employed, just as a job would drive a spouse to marry? Does that make sense?
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About Mark Anthony Dyson
I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.