When one spouse is out of work, the other becomes the boss. That’s how the job hunt works during marriage. One becomes the slave, the other, Master. This dynamic occurs without divine intervention, or gene pooling.
The unemployed or underemployed spouse is now at the other’s mercy. The employed spouse lifted his or her hands to the heavens and claim deity. As Jake Elwood would say, “I’m on a mission from God!”
Spoil A Messy Job Search and Marriage
Now you are your spouse’s mission from God. Not all marrieds haze their spouse in this way. There are some amicable agreements that spouses work out initially. Some start out well, and others toggle between the Spanish Inquisition and the 1969 version of Woodstock (minus the muck and mire).
The problem is how the unemployed spouse responds to this new form of hierarchy. Many were ambushed, and others saw this new role coming like a slow sunrise. The vulnerable job hunting spouse, who feels like a castrated eunuch, chooses life as a job seeker. Depending on the spouses temperance, he or she will marry the job hunt.
Maybe a castrated eunuch is too harsh, but more of a circumcised adult. But, I have digressed.
No one should feel desperate. Both spouses feel the burden of having to press the panic button in finding a new gig, but express it and go about it differently. Whatever the case may be, both should be transparent. Even if, either spouse says, “I trust you.”
Transparent
Transparent, means letting your spouse view the righteous and evil of your efforts:
1. Using one method of researching job looks lazy. It’s understandable that either spouse, regardless of an 100% effort from the other who is looking, request copious accountability. The best way to diffuse the bomb before it detonates: offer a general play-by-play of how things are going. Daily. Some spouses need it, and some don’t, but all spouses appreciate the forthrightness.
2. Ask for help, advice, and direction even when they have nothing to offer. This will also help your spouse remain quiet, contained, and patient. Let them see your struggles, and help them to celebrate any progress you experience.
3. Your patience, temperament, and diligence delivers the message of how tough it is in the job hunt. You won’t have to remind him or her of the challenges. They will see it, and will help you make it.
It would be a shame a spouse choose to marry the job hunt. Somewhere in this land, someone married their job, but there are obvious reasons why or why not.
I wonder. Does it hurt to drive a spouse employed, just as a job would drive a spouse to marry? Does that make sense?
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About Mark Anthony Dyson
My name is Mark Anthony Dyson, and I am the Founder of The Voice of Job Seekers. I am a career advice writer, but more importantly, I hack and re-imagine the job search process.. I've worked with hundreds of job seekers one-on-one helping them to construct a narrative and strategy that appeals to hiring managers and recruiters. I present at colleges and organizations, and facilitated many workshops including my volunteer effort through a Job Lab. I write and create useful job search content on this blog and write career and workplace advice for blogs such as Glassdoor, Payscale, Job-Hunt.org, Prezi and more. Media Feature highlights: Forbes, Business Insider, NBC News, Glassdoor, LinkedIn's #GetHired, and NPR Freelance writer and content contributor: Glassdoor, Payscale, job-hunt.org, The Financial Diet, RippleMatch.com and more. Contact me to contribute career, job search, or workplace advice for your site at markanthonydyson@gmail.com.