Marriage and Unemployment - The Voice of Job Seekers

Why Has Your Spouse Lost Her Mind When You Lost Your Job

Podcast: Play in new window | Download | Embed

When you get down to it, companies hire the spouse/partner/girlfriend/fiancee when they hire the individual. There is no question that the two for one deal is what companies get. There are two people making the decision, not just one.

How about when companies fire the employee? Don’t they fire the spouse, too? I think so. But one action will likely cause two actions, thus the problem that strains the relationship.

Here are the points I discuss:

Your spouse thinks you should have seen this job loss coming
You minimize the impact on the family
Either laid-off or fired, you dishonestly shared the circumstances of how it happened
You’re the one freaking out and scaring everyone
You lack updated and relevant skills to find the job in your career path
Your spouse knows that you’re lazy and lack the effort it takes
Both of you are unemployed
You won’t take on extra chores at home since you have the time
Money issues exploit the weaknesses

Although we like a peaceful home, if we are honest, we don’t do everything to keep the peace. For many job seekers, they understand the need to get the next job, but mis-judge how to get there. I am sure there are other reasons loved ones go CRAZY during job loss. Perhaps you would like to share or comment. You can leave me a voice mail by pressing the “Send Voicemail” button or leave a comment on the blog.

image credit

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

7 Signs That A Moratorium On Marriage Has Occurred (Until You Find a Job)

Your spouse has given you at least 100 suggestions, hints, and clues that your search for a job are dormant. Static. An epic fail. You don’t get it. The issue isn’t the number of attempts. The issue could be you are not efficient, discipline, or effective in what you are doing.

If you are not yielding results like calls for interviews, or meeting people who can help you, it appears you are not doing enough. Even if, you argued that you have applied to 20 jobs today, the question remains: are you doing everything you can?

image: Douglas Bray

Your spouse sees that you are home more. Unfocused. Feeling sorry for yourself. Lacking the faith.

Slowly, the sky glazed with dark clouds that feel and looks like an attitude. What does it mean? Your spouse has inserted an unofficial moratorium on marriage activity. At least until you have gained traction on finding a job. Or at least, possess laser-like focus on obtaining results.

You, the victim in your spouses’ onslaught to teach you a lesson, think that this is revenge. This is a needed wake-up call.

Until there is daylight, your spouse has slowly purged the benefits you used to enjoy from your marriage. Although this is not the best way to support a spouse, you’re stuck with this response to your lack of response. The signs on the wall should offer clarity when you recognize the following:

1. Your spouse has stopped laughing at your jokes (or at least what used to make them laugh). Your situation has also stifled the joy out of your relationship. If it is not beneath you, self-deprecating humor would be better.

2. Your children and pets are receiving more affection than you. You can get a few more hugs or more by being forthcoming and accountable to your spouse. Let him or her give you advice, and you, the broke spouse, take the advice.

3. His or her parents are talking to you more than your spouse. Accept his or her parents advice too. This could be helpful, and you never know until you try. No, try the in-laws advice.

4. He or she is talking about the increased stressed. Are you at least taking on a part-time job, volunteering in using your skills, fervently networking, or doing the “side-hustle?”

5. You haven’t been called by your pet name since, well…forever! If your spouse only knew that you felt weak, discouraged, faithless, helpless, or closed in on leads, this too, will pass.

6. Intimate moments have dwindled to nanoseconds. See #5, and remember not to demand anything. This could make matters worse. Your renewed efforts and focus will be as sexy as the wedding day. Well, Ok, maybe not. But you’ll feel better about your relationship.

7. Get professional help. You may need a marriage coach and a job coach. But get the job coach first. Keep in mind you may need the marriage coach in the near future.

Our spouses are great career coaches. They can inspire us, or crush us with needed directness. Then we rise, and move forward as a better person. That is, upon accepting constructive criticism.

For most couples, this is a natural progression of how unemployment affects the relationship. It’s not permanent, and healthy marriages survive. Are you oblivious to the signs? Did I miss anything? Please feel free to comment below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

4 Things That a Slow Job Search And A Boring Marriage Share

Unemployment becomes your life, and dominate your thoughts if you don’t get in control of it from the beginning. For sure a slow job search sucks. Maybe you were zealous in finding a job, and making strides at first like a torrid love affair, but as time progress, your job search turned stale. It happens in marriage relationships. Did it happen to your job search?

I suggest that today your job search is like a marriage relationship. You sleep with HIM, you think of HER throughout the day, you miss HIM, yet you are disenchanted with HER. Either tragedies can change your life for the worst. Allow me to offer four common threads with glaring similarities:

Lack Variety

Jobseekers want to use only one or two job hunt strategies. They implement the easiest way such as filling out online applications, or asking the same 10 Facebook friends for job leads. A job hunt needs spice, and at times inspires results. What if your marriage is one dimensional? Is that acceptable to you? I hope not!

Lack Quality

Will sending out hundreds of resumes a month and filling out hundreds of job applications monthly bring success? There are countless stories of people sending hundreds of resumes to employers, cold, and fast, but to no avail. Try to add a bunch of intrepid changes to your marriage at once will only hinder the entire dynamic of the relationship. Instead, focus on improving one or two areas at a time. Think long term. Think permanent changes.

Taken For Granted

Nothing is like being second fiddle to anyone else if you are the spouse of an unemployed jobseeker. A successful job search does not happen by itself. It takes cultivating relationships, ad giving back to others. Show gratitude no matter how needy you think you are. Like your spouse, a job search needs and your undivided attention.

Complacency

After 20 years of marriage, my wife and I still flirt, play, and make each other better. Most of all, we are cognizant of treating others better, especially those who are outside of the immediate family. As an active jobseeker, treating others well is just as valuable as finding a game changing job lead. At times, it seems that you give more than you get, but the return is priceless. Offer leads to people you know who need help. Be a resource for others, and perhaps, it may be reciprocated.

You may feel that you married your job search, but this is for a short time. Commitment, dedication, and tenacity are also words associated with both. However, marriage often exceed expectations of what we give, and what we get.