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10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career by Mark Anthony Dyson

Marriage is a powerful relationship. Yes, I see and hear the eye-rolling, head-shaking, and let-me-check-my-Facebook-page-on-my-phone people sigh in the “I’m sick of hearing this myth” attitude. I must warn you that this post is a positive marriage post, so if you need to stop reading, go ahead. But please allow me to pontificate because the evidence below is from personal experience and the relationships of many of my friends and as a career practitioner. Your spouse will boost your career aspirations, goals, and accomplishments if you let him or her. I will spare you the “what doesn’t kill you” cliché, but the formula hasn’t changed. It takes two selfless, imperfect, and sacrificing individuals to make your career thrive through your spouse.

I don’t know one marriage that has lasted through the last ten years not confront serious career decisions. The surge in divorces has risen recently because couples from broken marriages waited out the great recession for a better financial situation. We will probably see the divorce rate surge past 50% in the next few years. Although job loss isn’t the sole reason for the marriage’s demise, it is often exposed to the problems that do or sometimes are the last straw.

1. Your spouse will likely tell you the unfiltered truth. One of the challenges and blessings of marriage is how your spouse relays the “you’re-not-doing-it-right” message. Sometimes, the rough delivery is the wake-up call to take a second look at your approach to anything. In this case, your job search, career goals, professional fashion attempts, and/or relationships could be boosted. Your spouse knows exactly what button to push, and sometimes, the buttons that annoy you the most are the ones that motivate you in the way that moves you to action. It’s also a sign of a good partnership. Sure, there are times when the delivery of the message is painful and, at times, causes a little dissension. But you think about it several times when you realize that person has your best interest at heart.

2. His/her network is your network. You have twice the contacts most wouldn’t have when you were single. For this to be truly effective, those times when you need to help family members with trivial chores or attend a school play, position it in your mind at networking or career management. Mostly, you will find yourself telling family members what you do and the why, how, where, and when about your career. Don’t lose sight of the goal here, as numbers do count, and how deep you dig into your network counts more.

3. He or she can help you rehearse conversations and interviews or proofread. This works if your spouse does any of these as a part of their job. Proofreading is great if your husband is a writer or is doing his graduate work. Or if your wife is an editor or writes herself. But if they are neither, it can get you closer if he or she catches errors. Your spouse can help you with the little communication habits that turn people off or annoy them. My wife drills into me about eye contact. I did a good job before meeting her, but after all these years of hearing about it, I think I’ve been excellent at eye contact since we’ve been together.

4. Encouragement. If you are not the main source of encouragement for your spouse, in most cases, it is not reciprocated. But if you work at it with your spouse where both of you are competitive and encouraging to each other, it can be a powerful tool.

5. Each other’s coworkers become a significant part of your career trajectory. I have seen coworkers become part of the solution in married life. These days, coworker relationships are more constant than dating and sometimes marriage relationships. If mutual liking and respect exist, these relationships are uncounted but advantageous.

6. Your spouse can challenge you like no one else. This is a powerful motivation in a positive way in my marriage. If your relationship has the right tenor (in my opinion), no one can move you to action, lift you up, or crush you like your spouse. If this dynamic is mutual, it is a sign of a marriage that will strengthen for years to come, and experience continued career success.

7. People are positively motivated when two work as one. There is nothing more encouraging when couples coordinate, promote, and act on the same page. This takes a lot of communication and understanding, but if you’re not, this can be contentious. This means that your efforts together will stagnate, but on the other hand, what is revealed can be rectified if the desire is mutual.

8. When one falls, the other will lift you up. When a spouse is conducting a job search, it affects the two of you. All the anxiety, nervousness, and stress are on both of you. It is not recognizable at first because it affects each person differently. This is difficult to see if you are the person who needs a job or a new job. The trap is realized when one doesn’t become what the other needs. Finding ways to serve each other during this time is a balm or remedy. The power comes when spouses are trying to out-serve the other. Then courage, patience, perseverance, persistence, and resilience are installed in each other due to lifting up one another.

9. Your Spouse Is an Expert in Your Talents. The bonus is if they can bring out the best of you. This doesn’t always transform into career attributes, but sometimes affirmation from your spouse can inject energy and synergy into your job search. This is especially helpful when job leads run dry.

10. He or she can shorten the length of pain and disappointment. The job search is a roller coaster full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and, at times, depression is even harder to anticipate. Sometimes, we need comfort, not more strategies, follow-ups, or attempts. Yes, the need to keep going is essential, but the moments of rejuvenation are needed more. From a hug to shutting out the world for an evening will work. Sometimes, we need someone else to let us relax and take our minds away from the grind when it’s a grind. The job search is a hilly, rocky, and muddy marathon. Anything spouses can do to ease the pain is essential.

By no means will a combination of my suggestions fix shortcomings such as specific skills or personal attributes needed for any profession. What it will do is help each spouse endure the challenges that are often faced in today’s complicated job search. If you need these things in your life, then I know where you can start: You start becoming what he or she needs.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

This Is Why Your Spouse Is A Great Career Advisor

This Is Why Your Spouse Is a Great Career Advisor by Mark Anthony Dyson

Many of us would love to work with our spouse in some way shape or form. Not me.

She is so honest with me that it hurts, and I am not one to crawl in pain all day long. Having said that, she has offered some of the best career advice. She said I should start a business. She surveyed her family and came up with a name before purposing the idea. I have not looked back since, nor entertain any regrets.

She suggested I write a book. I am playing with the idea although I have an e-book and white papers for public consumption. I am already overthinking it. Maybe if I had a co-writer, but then again, I have trust issues.

Not all spouses have that gift, but I married my wife because of the painful honesty she is loaded with about me. I recommend it if your spouse is honest with you that you invite the truth. I mean, about everything, particularly you. It’s a risk, but it’s a win. Here are my five reasons why you should seek painful but honest career advice from your spouse:

1) After the pain comes the healing. Your spouse is honest enough to tell you that you don’t have what it takes to be a great poet. And even if you were, would it pay the bills? What if you asked others and were told the same thing? Then probably, you’re thankful that the conversation took place.

2) Your spouse can encourage you like no one else. He or she knows what motivation buttons to push. Who doesn’t need someone remembering your strengths?

3) His or her critiques are often open doors to fix relationship issues. Sometimes our spouses critiques are double-edged swords. You asked for his or her opinion, but this particular time it had a ZING to it. Is this an opportunity to look a little deeper to see how deep the issue relates to home?

4) The advice is to protect you from yourself. Areas that used to be your strengths are no longer as valuable, and your spouse indicates that you should move on. On the contrary, the advice may mean, “Win.” she says. “Go win!”

5) Your spouses vision may be bigger, brighter, and bodacious than yours. How encouraging and strengthening is that? When you think supervisor, he thinks executive vice president? You may have to analyze if that is realistic or not, but the point is this is your spouses vision of you.

When you ask for help from your spouse, it is likely you’ll receive reality. At least you can start there. It’s a good thing they can crush you like no one else if their advice stems from love.

Would you trust your spouses’ career advice? Why or why not? Let me know what you think in the comments.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

8 Ways Marriage Can Strengthen Married Job Seekers

We’re one, but we’re not the same

We get to carry each other…

One, U2

Over the years, I weight-lifted alone, but when I needed a spotter, there were people at my gym who helped me. Spotters are essential when the weight becomes too heavy. This year, I hurt my shoulder lifting weights even though I had someone to help. The injury wasn’t serious, but it could have been worse without help.

I learned to cope with it and the occasional throbbing, and it hasn’t stopped me. I can do other workouts and avoid that body part, which is what most people would do. Or I can do a different exercise requiring me to recruit other muscles to help that muscle.

If my body were my marriage and my shoulder were my job search, I would need my spouse to compensate for encouragement and strength when my job search was difficult. When I exert more with my weaker shoulder, I experience discomfort and more pain. So I need her to give me her version of a deep tissue massage on demand (asking oh so nicely). I do it for her when she needs it. At least that’s the way it should be. Right?

We’re taught in school, Sunday school, and marriage counseling that two are better than one in school, fitness, and business. Then how is it weirdly practiced when it comes to marriage? Studies show a two-person leadership team thrives, so why can’t marriage? It’s almost like we have this limiting belief that marriage cannot possibly benefit the careers of both spouses. When it comes to marriage and the careers of spouses, it gets weird, but it shouldn’t be.

I agree with experts: Constant communication is key. I found eight ways your marriage empowers your career when communication is a priority:

1. Your spouse knows how your strengths and weaknesses manifest

After the first six months, spouses discover how each other’s strengths and weaknesses affect their relationship. They will tell you honestly (although not always in the best way) what it looks like to them. Don’t take years to trust their judgment about what it looks like to others. It’s possible to look one way to employers and another to your network. Just as in weight-lifting, you need the spotter for the rep you can’t finish.

2. Access the power of your spouse’s network

You never know who your spouse is connected to in their network. You double your network and maybe your “net worth” in opportunities. And remember both sets of parents in having an immediate reach of contacts. For your in-laws to say they would like to refer their son-in-law or daughter-in-law carries weight.

Read 10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

3. Tell the truth

It’s always best to surround yourself with people who will be direct and truthful with you. In so many words, the times when I said the load was too heavy, like a spotter she shouted, “You can do it!” Everyone needs a spotter like her. This “spurring on” works best when more time is spent building each other up. Tearing down your spouse is easy because you know where the weaknesses are — but build each other up quickly with the truth, so those weaknesses are stronger than before. The process hurts but mostly needed to help your spouse’s career goals.

4. Bring out the best

Through competitive agitation or spurring one on to do their best, a spouse has a way of pressing the right buttons. It doesn’t always take someone understanding the full scope of the other’s profession.

Everyone needs courage, patience, persistence, perseverance, and resilience. A spouse in more ways than one inspires like no one.

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5. Sustain positivity

Your home is your refuge from work and frankly from the rest of the world, due to a unique but powerful character trait stemming from both people. When the home environment is fun, inspiring, and peaceful, it is a powerful tool to help during a long and discouraging job search.

Read Why Has Your Spouse Lost Her Mind When You Lost Your Job

6. Carry each other

Marriage requires 100% out of each, not 50–50. There are times when you’ll need to carry each other in your job search and workplace trials. The strongest marriages thrive by both spouses carrying a load physically, financially, and spiritually at some point. One may have a more responsive network than the other. “Your network is my network” should be the attitude.

7. Be a cheerleader/coach/encourager

My wife is the greatest source of encouragement I have. My mom is an excellent source, but no one energizes me like my wife. Conversely, no one can crush my feelings like my wife. When I had times of unemployment, I stayed on her good side as much as possible, which meant more than spending much of my time looking for a job.

Letting the frustration from your job search come to your home to ransack it is a mistake. You need all the encouragement you can get.

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8. Buffer the blows

When a job seeker senses things are terrible, the working spouse can help put things in perspective. All of us need a listening ear to make sense of nonsense and help defuse bombs before they go off. There is no such thing as a smooth job search.

When one spouse is going through a job search, then both are experiencing the effects. It can consume both spouses if it becomes a slow process. That is why it’s better for both to work as a team to shorten the search. Most people think about their contributions in one way, but there are many ways to lessen the stress and anxiety of uncertainty. One thing for sure: It’s helpful for the job-seeking spouse not to go it alone.