The Voice of Job Seekers

Mark Anthony Dyson ★ Career Writer ★ Speaker ★ Thinker ★ Award-winning Blog & Podcast! ★ "The Job Scam Report" on Substack! ★ I hack and reimagine the modern job search!

by

When Family Really Hates The Odd Career Path You Chose

When Family Really Hates The Odd Career Path You Chose

People blame their career path for breakups or for distancing themselves from loved ones every day.  The reality is that people separate themselves from their career path. Your spouse may appear supportive about your career, but they abhor the effect it has on them.

You can have both a career passion and a strong marriage. The family bears the burden of choosing one or the other. Success depends on understanding the signs and responding to them positively, within your loved ones’ wishes. Listening to what family says and communicating fosters the willingness to change, or see the writing on the wall:

  1. Your family hates your long hours and work life more than your job duties. I thought for a while that husbands are solely guilty of this, but over time, both spouses contend for understanding from each other. Listening is the best tool ever to discern what your spouse wants. Remember, you’re both on this career path together.
  2. Your spouse may hate what your career does to you. Listen for symptoms that your spouse says about you, even as a joke or in passing: cranky, despondent, tired, disengaged, off into his or her own world, and emotional. These are symptoms, not the root of what your spouse is saying.
  3. It is clear that job perks are more attractive than the job itself. Perks are acceptable when time and salary benefit everyone, but when they compromise and separate the family, they become a problem. If you are holding on to a career because of a perk, it’s time to find a new one.
  4. When work is an issue that sacrifices family time. There will be a time when you need to put work aside. Your bottom-line intention is to feed your family. Unfortunately, undisciplined intentions interfere with family time and family cohesion.
  5. Neither you nor your spouse has discussed the issue. If your spouse is building a separate life without you, it’s a serious problem.  When both spouses avoid conflict, the behavior breeds anger. It says something about you, and more often, it’s the point of no return. If this is unacceptable to you, you have to be the one to engage, listen, and change.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by

Marriage and the Unemployed Spouse

Marriage and the Unemployed Spouse

Unravel Marriages Can Bond During Unemployment

When one job-seeking unemployed spouse is out of work, it affects everyone in the family. Enough studies substantiate that affected married people feel loads of stress, and sometimes, the solutions are not easy.

I came across this study recently that connected distress and marriages with at least one unemployed spouse. This study was good for me to read, having experienced all of these hypothesizes, and found solutions that worked.

The study: Song Z, Foo M, Uy M, Sun S. “Unraveling the daily stress crossover between unemployed individuals and their employed spouses.” Journal of Applied Psychology. January 2011;96(1):151-168.

  1. End-of-day distress of the employed spouse will relate positively to end-of-day distress of the unemployed spouse.
  2. Perceived daily marital support will mediate the relationship between end-of-day distress of the employed spouse and end-of-day distress of the unemployed spouse.
  3. Daily family hassles shared by spouses will be related to end-of-day distress of both spouses.
  4. (a) Daily financial strain, (b) daily deprivation of time structure, and (c) daily negative search experience will be positively related to distress experienced by the unemployed spouse.5. (a) Daily work stress, (b) daily work–family conflict, and (c) daily family–work conflict will be positively related to end-of-day distress of the employed spouse.6. Marital satisfaction will moderate the stress crossover between spouses. Specifically, distress crossover between spouses will be stronger in unsatisfied than in satisfied marriages.

As I know that studies can be boring and direction-less, these are my suggestions to help diminish these particular distresses in a marriage.

    • Couples should learn to be affectionate early in the marriage, and be accepting of each others’ “crosses to bear” early in marriage. Complaining alone does not add up to openness. Openness alone will not result in resolution. Combination of either does not get you hired, but affection offers a world where two people can meet in the middle.
    • Support in a marriage includes being truthful when it hurts. Yes, it is painful at the time, but it is the beginning of healing. It could also include one spouse saying, “Stop feeling sorry for yourself, keep trying.”
    • Young children should be a part of that refuge. During my unemployment grind eight years, playing with my little boys eased much of the pain. As everyone knows, children are not the place to unload nor an emotional dumping ground.
    • Unemployment can be a root of many problems: Lack of money, time management, and self-control. During stressful episodes, my wife and I learned to co-exist in areas of agreement, and was diligent about creating more opportunities to encourage each other. Agreeing takes more energy than to disagree, and it is more challenging sustain.
    • Frequent sharing of job hunting victories will show transparency, build trust, and release stress. It is another place of refuge in your during distressful times, especially for the spouse out of work.

Are you married and unemployed? Is your spouse unemployed, and you are the one carrying the financial load? Can you relate to any of these points?

    Please share in the comments below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development.

Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!"

You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by

Hired By The Spouse, to Marry the Job Hunt

When one spouse is out of work, the other becomes the boss. That’s how the job hunt works during marriage. One becomes the slave, the other, Master.  This dynamic occurs without divine intervention, or gene pooling.

The unemployed or underemployed spouse is now at the other’s mercy.  The employed spouse lifted his or her hands to the heavens and claim deity. As Jake Elwood would say, “I’m on a mission from God!”

Spoil A Messy Job Search and Marriage

Now you are your spouse’s mission from God. Not all marrieds haze their spouse in this way. There are some amicable agreements that spouses work out initially. Some start out well, and others toggle between the  Spanish Inquisition and the 1969 version of Woodstock (minus the muck and mire).

The problem is how the unemployed spouse responds to this new form of hierarchy. Many were ambushed, and others saw this new role coming like a slow sunrise. The vulnerable job hunting spouse, who feels like a castrated eunuch, chooses life as a job seeker. Depending on the spouses temperance, he or she will marry the job hunt.

Maybe a castrated eunuch is too harsh, but more of a circumcised adult. But, I have digressed.

No one should feel desperate. Both spouses feel the burden of having to press the panic button in finding a new gig, but express it and go about it differently. Whatever the case may be, both should be transparent.  Even if, either spouse says, “I trust you.”

Transparent

Transparent, means letting your spouse view the righteous and evil of your efforts:

1. Using one method of researching job looks lazy. It’s understandable that either spouse, regardless of an 100% effort from the other who is looking, request copious accountability. The best way to diffuse the bomb before it detonates: offer a general play-by-play of how things are going. Daily. Some spouses need it, and some don’t, but all spouses appreciate the forthrightness.

2. Ask for help, advice, and direction even when they have nothing to offer. This will also help your spouse remain quiet, contained, and patient. Let them see your struggles, and help them to celebrate any progress you experience.

3. Your patience, temperament, and diligence delivers the message of how tough it is in the job hunt. You won’t have to remind him or her of the challenges. They will see it, and will help you make it.

It would be a shame a spouse choose to marry the job hunt. Somewhere in this land, someone married their job, but there are obvious reasons why or why not.

I wonder. Does it hurt to drive a spouse employed, just as a job would drive a spouse to marry? Does that make sense?

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development.

Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!"

You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.