Your spouse has given you at least 100 suggestions, hints, and clues that your search for a job are dormant. Static. An epic fail. You don’t get it. The issue isn’t the number of attempts. The issue could be you are not efficient, discipline, or effective in what you are doing.
If you are not yielding results like calls for interviews, or meeting people who can help you, it appears you are not doing enough. Even if, you argued that you have applied to 20 jobs today, the question remains: are you doing everything you can?
Your spouse sees that you are home more. Unfocused. Feeling sorry for yourself. Lacking the faith.
Slowly, the sky glazed with dark clouds that feel and looks like an attitude. What does it mean? Your spouse has inserted an unofficial moratorium on marriage activity. At least until you have gained traction on finding a job. Or at least, possess laser-like focus on obtaining results.
You, the victim in your spouses’ onslaught to teach you a lesson, think that this is revenge. This is a needed wake-up call.
Until there is daylight, your spouse has slowly purged the benefits you used to enjoy from your marriage. Although this is not the best way to support a spouse, you’re stuck with this response to your lack of response. The signs on the wall should offer clarity when you recognize the following:
1. Your spouse has stopped laughing at your jokes (or at least what used to make them laugh). Your situation has also stifled the joy out of your relationship. If it is not beneath you, self-deprecating humor would be better.
2. Your children and pets are receiving more affection than you. You can get a few more hugs or more by being forthcoming and accountable to your spouse. Let him or her give you advice, and you, the broke spouse, take the advice.
3. His or her parents are talking to you more than your spouse. Accept his or her parents advice too. This could be helpful, and you never know until you try. No, try the in-laws advice.
4. He or she is talking about the increased stressed. Are you at least taking on a part-time job, volunteering in using your skills, fervently networking, or doing the “side-hustle?”
5. You haven’t been called by your pet name since, well…forever! If your spouse only knew that you felt weak, discouraged, faithless, helpless, or closed in on leads, this too, will pass.
6. Intimate moments have dwindled to nanoseconds. See #5, and remember not to demand anything. This could make matters worse. Your renewed efforts and focus will be as sexy as the wedding day. Well, Ok, maybe not. But you’ll feel better about your relationship.
7. Get professional help. You may need a marriage coach and a job coach. But get the job coach first. Keep in mind you may need the marriage coach in the near future.
Our spouses are great career coaches. They can inspire us, or crush us with needed directness. Then we rise, and move forward as a better person. That is, upon accepting constructive criticism.
For most couples, this is a natural progression of how unemployment affects the relationship. It’s not permanent, and healthy marriages survive. Are you oblivious to the signs? Did I miss anything? Please feel free to comment below.
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About Mark Anthony Dyson
I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers," career consultant, job seeker advocate, career writer, and founder of this award-winning blog. I help the employed, unemployed, underemployed, and under-appreciated find jobs using job search strategies to navigate the new job market. I aim to give a safe place online to those with different needs, cultures, and ethnicities to find their voice in the job market. Thousands have read my career advice throughout the web as I write about everything from job search strategies to the mobile job search. I have published more than 400 articles on this blog and some of the largest career sites such as Recruiter.com, YouTern, and Come Recommended. I've been quoted in major online publications such as Monster, TIME/Money, Fortune, Business Insider and MSN. FlexJobs, JobMonkey, Aerotek, Career Pivot, and CareerSherpa listed my podcast as one of the top podcasts to help your job search. Love for you to sign up for the weekly newsletter. I share the latest articles I've written, new podcast episodes, and answer any questions you may have. The new job search is scary and if you need help, I am here for it!