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This Is Why Your Spouse Is A Great Career Advisor

This Is Why Your Spouse Is a Great Career Advisor by Mark Anthony Dyson

Many of us would love to work with our spouse in some way shape or form. Not me.

She is so honest with me that it hurts, and I am not one to crawl in pain all day long. Having said that, she has offered some of the best career advice. She said I should start a business. She surveyed her family and came up with a name before purposing the idea. I have not looked back since, nor entertain any regrets.

She suggested I write a book. I am playing with the idea although I have an e-book and white papers for public consumption. I am already overthinking it. Maybe if I had a co-writer, but then again, I have trust issues.

Not all spouses have that gift, but I married my wife because of the painful honesty she is loaded with about me. I recommend it if your spouse is honest with you that you invite the truth. I mean, about everything, particularly you. It’s a risk, but it’s a win. Here are my five reasons why you should seek painful but honest career advice from your spouse:

1) After the pain comes the healing. Your spouse is honest enough to tell you that you don’t have what it takes to be a great poet. And even if you were, would it pay the bills? What if you asked others and were told the same thing? Then probably, you’re thankful that the conversation took place.

2) Your spouse can encourage you like no one else. He or she knows what motivation buttons to push. Who doesn’t need someone remembering your strengths?

3) His or her critiques are often open doors to fix relationship issues. Sometimes our spouses critiques are double-edged swords. You asked for his or her opinion, but this particular time it had a ZING to it. Is this an opportunity to look a little deeper to see how deep the issue relates to home?

4) The advice is to protect you from yourself. Areas that used to be your strengths are no longer as valuable, and your spouse indicates that you should move on. On the contrary, the advice may mean, “Win.” she says. “Go win!”

5) Your spouses vision may be bigger, brighter, and bodacious than yours. How encouraging and strengthening is that? When you think supervisor, he thinks executive vice president? You may have to analyze if that is realistic or not, but the point is this is your spouses vision of you.

When you ask for help from your spouse, it is likely you’ll receive reality. At least you can start there. It’s a good thing they can crush you like no one else if their advice stems from love.

Would you trust your spouses’ career advice? Why or why not? Let me know what you think in the comments.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

8 Ways Marriage Can Strengthen Married Job Seekers

We’re one, but we’re not the same

We get to carry each other…

One, U2

Over the years, I weight-lifted alone, but when I needed a spotter, there were people at my gym who helped me. Spotters are essential when the weight becomes too heavy. This year, I hurt my shoulder lifting weights even though I had someone to help. The injury wasn’t serious, but it could have been worse without help.

I learned to cope with it and the occasional throbbing, and it hasn’t stopped me. I can do other workouts and avoid that body part, which is what most people would do. Or I can do a different exercise requiring me to recruit other muscles to help that muscle.

If my body were my marriage and my shoulder were my job search, I would need my spouse to compensate for encouragement and strength when my job search was difficult. When I exert more with my weaker shoulder, I experience discomfort and more pain. So I need her to give me her version of a deep tissue massage on demand (asking oh so nicely). I do it for her when she needs it. At least that’s the way it should be. Right?

We’re taught in school, Sunday school, and marriage counseling that two are better than one in school, fitness, and business. Then how is it weirdly practiced when it comes to marriage? Studies show a two-person leadership team thrives, so why can’t marriage? It’s almost like we have this limiting belief that marriage cannot possibly benefit the careers of both spouses. When it comes to marriage and the careers of spouses, it gets weird, but it shouldn’t be.

I agree with experts: Constant communication is key. I found eight ways your marriage empowers your career when communication is a priority:

1. Your spouse knows how your strengths and weaknesses manifest

After the first six months, spouses discover how each other’s strengths and weaknesses affect their relationship. They will tell you honestly (although not always in the best way) what it looks like to them. Don’t take years to trust their judgment about what it looks like to others. It’s possible to look one way to employers and another to your network. Just as in weight-lifting, you need the spotter for the rep you can’t finish.

2. Access the power of your spouse’s network

You never know who your spouse is connected to in their network. You double your network and maybe your “net worth” in opportunities. And remember both sets of parents in having an immediate reach of contacts. For your in-laws to say they would like to refer their son-in-law or daughter-in-law carries weight.

Read 10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

3. Tell the truth

It’s always best to surround yourself with people who will be direct and truthful with you. In so many words, the times when I said the load was too heavy, like a spotter she shouted, “You can do it!” Everyone needs a spotter like her. This “spurring on” works best when more time is spent building each other up. Tearing down your spouse is easy because you know where the weaknesses are — but build each other up quickly with the truth, so those weaknesses are stronger than before. The process hurts but mostly needed to help your spouse’s career goals.

4. Bring out the best

Through competitive agitation or spurring one on to do their best, a spouse has a way of pressing the right buttons. It doesn’t always take someone understanding the full scope of the other’s profession.

Everyone needs courage, patience, persistence, perseverance, and resilience. A spouse in more ways than one inspires like no one.

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5. Sustain positivity

Your home is your refuge from work and frankly from the rest of the world, due to a unique but powerful character trait stemming from both people. When the home environment is fun, inspiring, and peaceful, it is a powerful tool to help during a long and discouraging job search.

Read Why Has Your Spouse Lost Her Mind When You Lost Your Job

6. Carry each other

Marriage requires 100% out of each, not 50–50. There are times when you’ll need to carry each other in your job search and workplace trials. The strongest marriages thrive by both spouses carrying a load physically, financially, and spiritually at some point. One may have a more responsive network than the other. “Your network is my network” should be the attitude.

7. Be a cheerleader/coach/encourager

My wife is the greatest source of encouragement I have. My mom is an excellent source, but no one energizes me like my wife. Conversely, no one can crush my feelings like my wife. When I had times of unemployment, I stayed on her good side as much as possible, which meant more than spending much of my time looking for a job.

Letting the frustration from your job search come to your home to ransack it is a mistake. You need all the encouragement you can get.

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8. Buffer the blows

When a job seeker senses things are terrible, the working spouse can help put things in perspective. All of us need a listening ear to make sense of nonsense and help defuse bombs before they go off. There is no such thing as a smooth job search.

When one spouse is going through a job search, then both are experiencing the effects. It can consume both spouses if it becomes a slow process. That is why it’s better for both to work as a team to shorten the search. Most people think about their contributions in one way, but there are many ways to lessen the stress and anxiety of uncertainty. One thing for sure: It’s helpful for the job-seeking spouse not to go it alone.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Why Has Your Spouse Lost Her Mind When You Lost Your Job

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When you get down to it, companies hire the spouse/partner/girlfriend/fiancee when they hire the individual. There is no question that the two for one deal is what companies get. There are two people making the decision, not just one.

How about when companies fire the employee? Don’t they fire the spouse, too? I think so. But one action will likely cause two actions, thus the problem that strains the relationship.

Here are the points I discuss:

Your spouse thinks you should have seen this job loss coming
You minimize the impact on the family
Either laid-off or fired, you dishonestly shared the circumstances of how it happened
You’re the one freaking out and scaring everyone
You lack updated and relevant skills to find the job in your career path
Your spouse knows that you’re lazy and lack the effort it takes
Both of you are unemployed
You won’t take on extra chores at home since you have the time
Money issues exploit the weaknesses

Although we like a peaceful home, if we are honest, we don’t do everything to keep the peace. For many job seekers, they understand the need to get the next job, but mis-judge how to get there. I am sure there are other reasons loved ones go CRAZY during job loss. Perhaps you would like to share or comment. You can leave me a voice mail by pressing the “Send Voicemail” button or leave a comment on the blog.

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