Marriage and Unemployment Archives - The Voice of Job Seekers

9 Reasons Spouses Lose It When You Lose Your Job

Your spouse’s mind raced because the company announced you were laid off. It is one thing to have had steady employment, another when the safety net disintegrates. Many changes are about to take place, and some will affect you.

It’s a layoff, chill. Easier said than done.

I understand. Job loss is hard, and it’s harder when the former employer adds a broad, unfair, undeserved, and potentially damaging narrative.

Read 7 Signs That A Moratorium On Marriage Has Occurred (Until You Find a Job)

The Huffington Post recently reported that married couples on the brink of divorce are waiting because of a lack of employment.

In March 2007, before the bubble burst, 4.6 percent of the labor force was unemployed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Three years later, the unemployment rate jumped to 10.2 percent. Divorce, on the other hand, decreased by 1.4 percent between 2007 and 2008, according to the report, and then by another 2.8 percent between 2008 and 2009.

Things have changed in the last 10 years.

Your spouse lost their mind over time. Remember when he or she lost it because you worked overtime? You are not alone. At least stats show it’s a slow but grinding process, so there is hope if it seems bad now.

Read Marriage and the Unemployed Spouse

Hiring in your career industry appears bleak, and your marriage has peeling paint. I have listed a few reasons why your spouse is losing their mind if it’s still a mystery to you:

Your spouse thinks you should have seen job loss coming. This premise exposes your lack of communication before it hit the fan.
You are minimizing the impact on the family by saying things like, “It’s not so bad.” “I’m glad it’s over.” “My boss was out to get me!” Transparency is the key, and never talking about it with your spouse is a problem.
Either laid off or fired, you were dishonest about how it happened. That will definitely tick him or her off. Own up to a poor job performance or an incident that was your responsibility.
You’re the one freaking out. You are lashing out at your spouse and children for no reason. Showing control and restraint is YOUR responsibility. Practice temperance and reason, and everyone else should follow.
You lack updated, relevant skills to find a job. Unfortunately, a spouse who has encouraged you to return to school or pursue another career track will have little mercy on you. It is best to be humble, hear the noise, and push forward.
Your spouse knows the lazy person in you will not conduct due diligence. He or she knows that your ambition barely treads water. Diffuse the bomb before it explodes, and be aggressive in searching and researching jobs. Let your family see your research, talk with your spouse about potential decisions critical to the household (night job or day, lower pay, mandatory overtime).
That makes two. When both spouses are out of work, the panic button is abused. Keep your hand off the button!
You won’t take on extra chores since you have extra time. Unemployment has fringe benefits, but another way to reclaim your spouse. If there is a disconnect, then find ways to reconnect. If you know what makes your spouse tick, then be what they need to make them happy.
The lack of money will eventually exploit all marriage weaknesses, or at least most. However, the focus on money can turn into idol worship, thus becoming an even larger issue. Don’t be surprised if this has always been prevalent in your marriage.

Read 10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

Sure, there are other ways to keep the peace. The unemployed spouse has to compensate for the fear of not contributing financially. Although decisions made out of guilt or compulsion are potentially hazardous to any relationship, this is the kick in the behind you need.

Many issues existed before you lost your job. How you deal with them will determine whether your marriage grows or perishes later on.

What are other reasons spouses go CRAZY when a job loss in the family occurs? Perhaps there are ways to handle a spouse’s job loss properly. Please share either by commenting below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

10 Wondrous Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

Marriage is a powerful relationship. Yes, I see and hear the eye-rolling, head-shaking, and let-me-check-my-Facebook-page-on-my-phone people sigh in the “I’m sick of hearing this myth” attitude. I must warn you that this post is a positive marriage post, so if you need to stop reading, go ahead. But please allow me to pontificate because the evidence below is from personal experience and the relationships of many of my friends and a career practitioner. Your spouse will boost your career aspirations, goals, and accomplishments if you let him or her. I will spare you the “what doesn’t kill you” cliché, but the formula hasn’t changed. It takes two selfless, imperfect, and sacrificing individuals to make your career thrive through your spouse.

I don’t know one marriage that has lasted the last ten years without confronting serious career decisions. The divorce rate has risen recently because couples from broken marriages waited out the Great Recession for a better financial situation. We will probably see the divorce rate surge past 50% in the next few years. Although job loss isn’t the sole reason for the marriage’s demise, it is often exposed to problems that do or sometimes are the last straw.

1. Your spouse will likely tell you the unfiltered truth. One of the challenges and blessings of marriage is how your spouse relays the “you’re not doing it right” message. Sometimes, the rough delivery is the wake-up call to take a second look at your approach to anything. In this case, your job search, career goals, professional fashion attempts, and/or relationships could be boosted. Your spouse knows exactly what button to push, and sometimes, the buttons that annoy you the most are the ones that motivate you in the way that moves you to action. It’s also a sign of a good partnership. Sure, there are times when the delivery of the message is painful and, at times, causes a little dissension. But you think about it several times when you realize that person has your best interest at heart.

2. His/her network is your network. You have twice the contacts most wouldn’t have when you were single. For this to be truly effective, when you need to help family members with trivial chores or attend a school play, position them in your mind as networking or career management. Mostly, you will find yourself telling family members what you do and the why, how, where, and when about your career. Don’t lose sight of the goal here, as numbers count, and how deep you dig into your network counts more.

3. He or she can help you rehearse conversations and interviews or proofread. This works if your spouse does any of these as a part of their job. Proofreading is great if your husband is a writer or is doing his graduate work. Or if your wife is an editor or writes herself. But if they are neither, it can get you closer if he or she catches errors. Your spouse can help you with the little communication habits that turn people off or annoy them. My wife drills into me about eye contact. I did a good job before meeting her, but after all these years of hearing about it, I think I’ve been excellent at eye contact since we’ve been together.

4. Encouragement. If you are not the main source of encouragement for your spouse, it is usually not reciprocated. But if you work at it with your spouse, where both of you are competitive and encouraging to each other, it can be a powerful tool.

5. Each other’s coworkers become a significant part of your career trajectory. I have seen coworkers become part of the solution in married life. These days, coworker relationships are more constant than dating and sometimes marriage relationships. If mutual liking and respect exist, these relationships are countless but advantageous.

6. Your spouse can challenge you like no one else. This is a powerful motivation in a positive way in my marriage. If your relationship has the right tenor (in my opinion), no one can move you to action, lift you, or crush you like your spouse. If this dynamic is mutual, it is a sign of a marriage that will strengthen for years to come, and experience continued career success.

7. People are positively motivated when two work as one. There is nothing more encouraging when couples coordinate, promote, and act on the same page. This takes a lot of communication and understanding, but if you’re not, this can be contentious. This means that your efforts together will stagnate, but on the other hand, what is revealed can be rectified if the desire is mutual.

8. When one falls, the other will lift you. When a spouse is conducting a job search, it affects the two of you. All the anxiety, nervousness, and stress are on both of you. It is not recognizable at first because it affects each person differently. It is difficult to see if you are the person who needs a job or a new job. The trap is realized when one doesn’t become what the other needs. Finding ways to serve each other during this time is a balm or remedy. The power comes when spouses are trying to out-serve the other. Then courage, patience, perseverance, persistence, and resilience are installed in each other due to lifting up one another.

9. Your Spouse Is an Expert in Your Talents. The bonus is if they can bring out the best of you. This doesn’t continually transform into career attributes, but sometimes affirmation from your spouse can inject energy and synergy into your job search. This is especially helpful when job leads run dry.

10. He or she can shorten the length of pain and disappointment. The job search is a roller coaster full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and, at times, depression is even harder to anticipate. Sometimes, we need comfort, not more strategies, follow-ups, or attempts. Yes, the need to keep going is essential, but the moments of rejuvenation are needed more. From a hug to shutting out the world for an evening will work. Sometimes, we need someone else to let us relax and take our minds away from the grind when it’s a grind. The job search is a hilly, rocky, and muddy marathon. Anything spouses can do to ease the pain is essential.

By no means will a combination of my suggestions fix shortcomings such as specific skills or personal attributes needed for any profession. What it will do is help each spouse endure the challenges that are often faced in today’s complicated job search. If you need these things in your life, then I know where you can start: You start becoming what he or she needs.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

5 Transferable Skills: From Raising Kids to The Job Interview

5 Transferable Skills: From Raising Kids to The Job Interview by Mark Anthony Dyson

If You’ve Raised Kids, You Can Manage Anything by Ann Crittenden was written some years ago to show that parenting skills translate to job skills.

In her book, Crittenden expounds in detail on transferable skills such as:

–call for multitasking and the ability to function amidst constant distractions

–enhance interpersonal skills, from effective negotiation to dealing with difficult people

–develop skills in motivating and encouraging others to excel

–teach a keen sense of fair play and integrity, and much more

image credit

Each person should self-evaluate his or her own parenting to glean the job lessons from teaching, discipline, and feeding their child. I wholeheartedly subscribe to this not only in theory, but also as a participant and a witness.

Each job seeker who is raising his or her children, should apply this thinking as part of an interviewing strategy and to show transferable skills:

Managing and handling difficult situations

Parents that take the high road here benefit the most because employers do not need to glean that you speak to subordinates or anyone like a child. A demonstration of a diplomatic approach always works without screaming, or yelling comes across better.

Multi-tasking and coordinating

Cooking, cleaning, and helping with arithmetic is no joke. Display your tenacity by sharing how you toggle between home applications (as they were software applications). Show employers how planning is a skill in coordinating your children’s events, activities, and academics.

Networking

Concentrate on how these relationships produced invaluable projects and processes in the Parent-Teacher world. To show you can establish partnerships with others translates in building business partnerships.

Adept to various kinds of learning

Since technology is constantly changing personal communication, and the way you conduct business, and demonstrate the way you monitor your child’s use of online tools on the Internet.

Microsoft Office and Budget

Have you used Excel and Access for budgeting? How about writing school letters and business correspondence. Have you balanced your bank and household accounts using Excel? These are hard skills that have project management elements.

Don’t expect any of these to land you an office of your own, but you can position these as relevant skills in most cases.