Life - The Voice of Job Seekers

Why Has Your Spouse Lost Her Mind When You Lost Your Job

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When you get down to it, companies hire the spouse/partner/girlfriend/fiancee when they hire the individual. There is no question that the two for one deal is what companies get. There are two people making the decision, not just one.

How about when companies fire the employee? Don’t they fire the spouse, too? I think so. But one action will likely cause two actions, thus the problem that strains the relationship.

Here are the points I discuss:

Your spouse thinks you should have seen this job loss coming
You minimize the impact on the family
Either laid-off or fired, you dishonestly shared the circumstances of how it happened
You’re the one freaking out and scaring everyone
You lack updated and relevant skills to find the job in your career path
Your spouse knows that you’re lazy and lack the effort it takes
Both of you are unemployed
You won’t take on extra chores at home since you have the time
Money issues exploit the weaknesses

Although we like a peaceful home, if we are honest, we don’t do everything to keep the peace. For many job seekers, they understand the need to get the next job, but mis-judge how to get there. I am sure there are other reasons loved ones go CRAZY during job loss. Perhaps you would like to share or comment. You can leave me a voice mail by pressing the “Send Voicemail” button or leave a comment on the blog.

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About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Teach Your Employed Teen About Career And Life

Your working son or daughter cannot wrap his or her head around money or worth yet. They will need to understand the value career and life. Teaching this to children may save them heartache, so they won’t sell themselves short.

My son, “Boy Wonder,” has a budget from us on payday. He knows to save X amount for the first year of college because he will not work. He pays his own cell phone bill (two months in advance). He gives his brother an allowance (he insisted on giving an allowance).

The rest is for himself. We allow a little freedom for him to spend it on what he wants, but we have used his freedom as training opportunities.

Parents need to look for training opportunities that will add value, and not build Dad or Mom’s domain of authority. Although he or she is 16 or 17, and legally a parent’s responsibility, the bully in the parent should be dying, and the trainer and mentor are regular guests. That is if they are not doing drugs, or out of control the bully will need to stay longer. But I digress.

It is the trainer and mentor that will need to show a lifelong lesson to their employed teen about value.

Demonstrate responsibility monetary value, not just the value of money. My working son used calls me “frugal” and not cheap. He is starting to shop around, but his natural inclination is seeing it—get it. Instead of saying “no,” have them research before acting. Have him or her share what they earn with siblings.
Mistakes and error in judgment are OK. Teach them the correct way. Video games are a tool for this lesson. Both of my sons have used their money to buy games they regret. “Boy Wonder”has bought two video games ever since November 2010.
Show them the value of doing the dirty work. This is a career lesson for every age: dirty work sustains value at 17 for life. I told the story of my son cleaning poop at work and assigned to poop duty several times after the one incident. He knows that he may need to do that for a patient one day as a nurse. Some of the value is in sharing that with every employer he interviews with how it translates to his future career.
Model for them what money will not bring, and the value this adds to life. If he or she is saving, sharing, learning, earning, and implementing the lessons learned, eventually they will adapt your values and philosophies (assuming that this is out of love and not an obligation).
Display the value of love. The hardest thing for a parent to do is not to allow success and failure to influence the attention given to your working teen’s siblings. Love is unconditional, and each lesson as a result of failure needs to have the same intensity of love given in success.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Hired By The Spouse, to Marry the Job Hunt

When one spouse is out of work, the other becomes the boss. That’s how the job hunt works during marriage. One becomes the slave, the other, Master. This dynamic occurs without divine intervention, or gene pooling.

The unemployed or underemployed spouse is now at the other’s mercy. The employed spouse lifted his or her hands to the heavens and claim deity. As Jake Elwood would say, “I’m on a mission from God!”

Spoil A Messy Job Search and Marriage

Now you are your spouse’s mission from God. Not all marrieds haze their spouse in this way. There are some amicable agreements that spouses work out initially. Some start out well, and others toggle between the Spanish Inquisition and the 1969 version of Woodstock (minus the muck and mire).

The problem is how the unemployed spouse responds to this new form of hierarchy. Many were ambushed, and others saw this new role coming like a slow sunrise. The vulnerable job hunting spouse, who feels like a castrated eunuch, chooses life as a job seeker. Depending on the spouses temperance, he or she will marry the job hunt.

Maybe a castrated eunuch is too harsh, but more of a circumcised adult. But, I have digressed.

No one should feel desperate. Both spouses feel the burden of having to press the panic button in finding a new gig, but express it and go about it differently. Whatever the case may be, both should be transparent. Even if, either spouse says, “I trust you.”

Transparent

Transparent, means letting your spouse view the righteous and evil of your efforts:

1. Using one method of researching job looks lazy. It’s understandable that either spouse, regardless of an 100% effort from the other who is looking, request copious accountability. The best way to diffuse the bomb before it detonates: offer a general play-by-play of how things are going. Daily. Some spouses need it, and some don’t, but all spouses appreciate the forthrightness.

2. Ask for help, advice, and direction even when they have nothing to offer. This will also help your spouse remain quiet, contained, and patient. Let them see your struggles, and help them to celebrate any progress you experience.

3. Your patience, temperament, and diligence delivers the message of how tough it is in the job hunt. You won’t have to remind him or her of the challenges. They will see it, and will help you make it.

It would be a shame a spouse choose to marry the job hunt. Somewhere in this land, someone married their job, but there are obvious reasons why or why not.

I wonder. Does it hurt to drive a spouse employed, just as a job would drive a spouse to marry? Does that make sense?