Unemployed Archives - The Voice of Job Seekers

9 Reasons Spouses Lose It When You Lose Your Job

Your spouse’s mind raced because the company announced you were laid off. It is one thing to have had steady employment, another when the safety net disintegrates. Many changes are about to take place, and some will affect you.

It’s a layoff, chill. Easier said than done.

I understand. Job loss is hard, and it’s harder when the former employer adds a broad, unfair, undeserved, and potentially damaging narrative.

Read 7 Signs That A Moratorium On Marriage Has Occurred (Until You Find a Job)

The Huffington Post recently reported that married couples on the brink of divorce are waiting because of a lack of employment.

In March 2007, before the bubble burst, 4.6 percent of the labor force was unemployed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Three years later, the unemployment rate jumped to 10.2 percent. Divorce, on the other hand, decreased by 1.4 percent between 2007 and 2008, according to the report, and then by another 2.8 percent between 2008 and 2009.

Things have changed in the last 10 years.

Your spouse lost their mind over time. Remember when he or she lost it because you worked overtime? You are not alone. At least stats show it’s a slow but grinding process, so there is hope if it seems bad now.

Read Marriage and the Unemployed Spouse

Hiring in your career industry appears bleak, and your marriage has peeling paint. I have listed a few reasons why your spouse is losing their mind if it’s still a mystery to you:

Your spouse thinks you should have seen job loss coming. This premise exposes your lack of communication before it hit the fan.
You are minimizing the impact on the family by saying things like, “It’s not so bad.” “I’m glad it’s over.” “My boss was out to get me!” Transparency is the key, and never talking about it with your spouse is a problem.
Either laid off or fired, you were dishonest about how it happened. That will definitely tick him or her off. Own up to a poor job performance or an incident that was your responsibility.
You’re the one freaking out. You are lashing out at your spouse and children for no reason. Showing control and restraint is YOUR responsibility. Practice temperance and reason, and everyone else should follow.
You lack updated, relevant skills to find a job. Unfortunately, a spouse who has encouraged you to return to school or pursue another career track will have little mercy on you. It is best to be humble, hear the noise, and push forward.
Your spouse knows the lazy person in you will not conduct due diligence. He or she knows that your ambition barely treads water. Diffuse the bomb before it explodes, and be aggressive in searching and researching jobs. Let your family see your research, talk with your spouse about potential decisions critical to the household (night job or day, lower pay, mandatory overtime).
That makes two. When both spouses are out of work, the panic button is abused. Keep your hand off the button!
You won’t take on extra chores since you have extra time. Unemployment has fringe benefits, but another way to reclaim your spouse. If there is a disconnect, then find ways to reconnect. If you know what makes your spouse tick, then be what they need to make them happy.
The lack of money will eventually exploit all marriage weaknesses, or at least most. However, the focus on money can turn into idol worship, thus becoming an even larger issue. Don’t be surprised if this has always been prevalent in your marriage.

Read 10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

Sure, there are other ways to keep the peace. The unemployed spouse has to compensate for the fear of not contributing financially. Although decisions made out of guilt or compulsion are potentially hazardous to any relationship, this is the kick in the behind you need.

Many issues existed before you lost your job. How you deal with them will determine whether your marriage grows or perishes later on.

What are other reasons spouses go CRAZY when a job loss in the family occurs? Perhaps there are ways to handle a spouse’s job loss properly. Please share either by commenting below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

The Changes, Challenges, and Chores of Relationships and Unemployed

Life can go awry when one partner is suddenly unemployed. Everything will be scrutinized, but will the relationship survive? There are times when life needs to be right before things change in unemployment land.

Whether a job seeker has chosen to be unemployed or is a victim of downsizing, no one is perfectly prepared for the imminence of mental, emotional, and spiritual warfare. There is no way to predict the outcome of how life will continue because of the fluctuation of today’s job market.

The ambitious people will want to do many things, but not the right things. Therefore, the universe and the stars should align if the objectives are clear, and the spouse does not harass you about fifty other household chores they like done upon arrival from work.

Changes

Now that time is in your hands. Things are left undone when you are a slave to the work rhythm. It is natural to feel loss, and mourning is a natural response to being unemployed. For many job seekers, the bulk of emotional support was from coworkers.

Since access to them will diminish (especially if you are married with kids), transitioning to exclude them from daily contact is a significant change. As the infrequency of contact becomes noticeable, the realization of detachment can be heartbreaking. There are some practical steps you can take to help you move forward:

Less contact is good unless the work hooks you up with contacts, networking opportunities, or valuable job-finding information.

2. Do not let yourself be trapped by office gossip. You have better things to do with your time.

3. Share positively, be informative, and support is reciprocated.

Challenges

There will be intrinsic and extrinsic factors that will cause conflict for job seekers with families while unemployed. It is even more complicated if both partners are out of work and looking for jobs. Good communication is a work-in-progress but is difficult to forge and formulate. It takes time and honesty to share and clarify goals, needs and wants. Marrieds with children have the most difficulty deciding who will sacrifice their career and whose schooling is the priority.

One mistake couples make in communicating is each person’s perception of one conversation. Since feelings and priorities change like the direction of the wind, discussing each step often is critical to protect each other’s feelings. The challenge again is, to be honest about how you feel:

How do you feel about your partner’s efforts to look for a job? Do you trust their approach to finding employment? Are they missing opportunities because of a lack of action?
Do you feel that your partner should take the first opportunity offered? Do you want your partner to hold out until the best chance comes? Do you trust your partner’s judgment?
What is each person willing to sacrifice? Salary? Time? What should each person’s role be?

Chores

People I have coached, mentored, or trained have problems with being late and lack organization. The job-related document, or an appointment, they have contracted the “late bug.” If a person looks like an episode of “Hoarders,” there is a problem.

Hearing the tone of, “…he’s unemployed for a reason…” is unfair, but unfiltered as unfair.

A life in disarray will result in a life enslaved by chaos. Not that anyone would get there on purpose, but some signs appear if it has not already:

I AM forgetful of everything, such as car and home keys, passwords, cell phones, and phone numbers.
I find house duties and job search responsibilities hard to prioritize on the same day.
I am not handling criticism well nor inviting input.

Does your partner have a problem with your disorganization? With time on your hands (if you are out of work), this would be the best time to organize everything. Finances, job-related information, clothes, personal identifying documents, credit, and living are best cleaned and managed to help relieve the stress of unemployment and for your peace of mind.

Unemployed. This, too, will pass.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Job Search Tips for the Unemployed

Editor’s note: The guest writer today is Katie Niekrash of The Execu|Search Group (@ExecuSearch). Her bio is at the end of the article.

Lengthy unemployment can feel like you’re drifting in purgatory during a job search. You send out your resume, follow leads, but ultimately, hear nothing back. It leaves you feeling disconnected, alienated, irrelevant, and depressed.

When pulling yourself out of an unemployment slump remember the feelings of bleakness are normal. Your job is a huge part of your life; acknowledge your loss and give yourself time to grieve.

No one gets hired by moping. It’s absolutely essential that you build up your shattered confidence during your job search. We’ve compiled some tips specifically for job seekers who’ve been out of the workforce for six months or longer. While these tips apply to anyone looking for a job, they are absolutely essential if you haven’t been employed recently.

1. Stay positive—and avoid surrounding yourself with people who aren’t. Unemployment can ravage your self-confidence. However, the most sincere kind of confidence comes from within—not from validation by others. This breed of self-empowerment is perceptible to others and can work wonders for you in a job interview. Instead of thinking about what you could have done differently to keep your old job, set your sights on the future and what you can do now to make your next job a reality. If you feel like someone around you is sapping your energy, tune out their negativity—remember, where praise is positive, criticism is reductive, always leaving you with less than what you started with.

2. Know what you can offer. Sit down and make a list of your talents, skills, accomplishments, and achievements you’re proud of. Then read them over, think back to the specific details, and consider the reach of each item. What do they reveal about who you are as a person and as an employee? Spending some time this list will boost your confidence and provide you with ready responses during a job interview.

3. Network—and not just over the internet. Instead of sitting at home and applying for jobs, make “warm contacts.” Instead of sending your resume off into the oblivion of the internet, attend industry events and join groups relevant to your career path. Start talking. Make connections. Once you’ve developed a rapport with someone, it’s easier for them to understand your current situation and look past unemployment when referring you for a job.

4. Don’t oversell yourself. When networking or interviewing, don’t overcompensate for your employment status by acting arrogant. It will irritate the person you’re speaking to, and it’s transparent. Be cool and collected, not cocky. Instead of talking about all the things that you can achieve on your own if given the opportunity, take a more team-oriented approach—how do your skills mesh with those of current employees? What interests you about the position and the company beyond salary? What goals can you imagine achieving together?

5. Consider temporary or contractual employment. Today’s amount of employers hiring temporary, part-time, or temporary-to-full time employees has reached a 6 year high. Take advantage of this hiring rate by perusing the temporary/consulting opportunities available in your industry. Temporary roles can keep you busy, help you learn new skills in a relatively short amount of time, lead to on-the-job networking, give you the opportunity to build long-term connections with like-minded professionals, and could potentially lead to full-time or permanent employment.

6. Write and rehearse your elevator pitch. Lots of interviewers begin by asking, “What can you tell me about yourself?” An elevator pitch provides a streamlined answer that highlights your skills, what you can offer, and what kind of problems you can resolve—all in less than a minute. The best thing about an elevator pitch is you can use it in a myriad of situations. Having a prepared pitch on hand allows you to make a stellar impression in any set of circumstances.

7. Maintain balance in your life. Don’t spend all of your free time looking for a job during your job search—it will drive you crazy and you’ll burn out quickly. Make time to exercise, relax, and spend time with family, just like you would if you were working. Spend a fixed amount of hours each day looking for work. And don’t close up—it’s OK to rely on your friends and family to support you emotionally (and perhaps financially) through this difficult time.

While lengthy unemployment can be disheartening to say the least, a good attitude and a great work ethic can make the difference between a few months without work and indefinite unemployment. A little bit of confidence goes a long way; couple that with a lot of motivation, and it will take you even farther. For anyone who is out of work, there isn’t a moment to lose—stop thinking negatively, and start developing positive alternatives to unemployment and conduct a comprehensive job search.

As a Senior Managing Director within The Execu|Search Group‘s Healthcare division, Katie Niekrash has worked tirelessly since joining the firm in 2007. She is accredited with developing new markets for the firm and has been an active member in building the division into one of the largest of its kind in the Tri-State area.