Job Search - The Voice of Job Seekers

7 Signs That A Moratorium On Marriage Has Occurred (Until You Find a Job)

Your spouse has given you at least 100 suggestions, hints, and clues that your search for a job are dormant. Static. An epic fail. You don’t get it. The issue isn’t the number of attempts. The issue could be you are not efficient, discipline, or effective in what you are doing.

If you are not yielding results like calls for interviews, or meeting people who can help you, it appears you are not doing enough. Even if, you argued that you have applied to 20 jobs today, the question remains: are you doing everything you can?

image: Douglas Bray

Your spouse sees that you are home more. Unfocused. Feeling sorry for yourself. Lacking the faith.

Slowly, the sky glazed with dark clouds that feel and looks like an attitude. What does it mean? Your spouse has inserted an unofficial moratorium on marriage activity. At least until you have gained traction on finding a job. Or at least, possess laser-like focus on obtaining results.

You, the victim in your spouses’ onslaught to teach you a lesson, think that this is revenge. This is a needed wake-up call.

Until there is daylight, your spouse has slowly purged the benefits you used to enjoy from your marriage. Although this is not the best way to support a spouse, you’re stuck with this response to your lack of response. The signs on the wall should offer clarity when you recognize the following:

1. Your spouse has stopped laughing at your jokes (or at least what used to make them laugh). Your situation has also stifled the joy out of your relationship. If it is not beneath you, self-deprecating humor would be better.

2. Your children and pets are receiving more affection than you. You can get a few more hugs or more by being forthcoming and accountable to your spouse. Let him or her give you advice, and you, the broke spouse, take the advice.

3. His or her parents are talking to you more than your spouse. Accept his or her parents advice too. This could be helpful, and you never know until you try. No, try the in-laws advice.

4. He or she is talking about the increased stressed. Are you at least taking on a part-time job, volunteering in using your skills, fervently networking, or doing the “side-hustle?”

5. You haven’t been called by your pet name since, well…forever! If your spouse only knew that you felt weak, discouraged, faithless, helpless, or closed in on leads, this too, will pass.

6. Intimate moments have dwindled to nanoseconds. See #5, and remember not to demand anything. This could make matters worse. Your renewed efforts and focus will be as sexy as the wedding day. Well, Ok, maybe not. But you’ll feel better about your relationship.

7. Get professional help. You may need a marriage coach and a job coach. But get the job coach first. Keep in mind you may need the marriage coach in the near future.

Our spouses are great career coaches. They can inspire us, or crush us with needed directness. Then we rise, and move forward as a better person. That is, upon accepting constructive criticism.

For most couples, this is a natural progression of how unemployment affects the relationship. It’s not permanent, and healthy marriages survive. Are you oblivious to the signs? Did I miss anything? Please feel free to comment below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

The Great Job Search Will Fail Forward

The great job search will fail forward. Tomorrow will bring good results after trails, snags, and failures, and that is good. People who are conducting using a wide range of resources, people, and opportunities are not afraid to fail and benefit. Those who are conducting job searches using easy methods fail with no benefits. It’s that simple.

There are “NO” short cuts!
Resilient and steadfast people understand that “no” is part of the road to hearing yes. Job seekers must withstand rejection, smile, and be ready to do it again in an hour. Job seekers will hear “no” several times a day, even during the holidays. They must be ready to endure and work around many obstacles. It is part of the process.

Disappointment such as follow-up calls and email from job seekers asking about their application, resume, or voice mail will hear “no” repeatedly. A persistent job seeker filters through “No!” The same attitude MUST wade through the waters of no replies, unanswered inquiries, and vague answers from administrative assistants. This what makes the job search process scary and daunting–the risk of reject is frequent and unpredictable.

The rejections will lead to “YES,” eventually.
Many of us hate the follow-up call for anything. This is a habit of successful people who are in sales, and who are executives. They become skilled negotiators and influence many because they have entertained “no” constantly throughout their careers. The fruit of rejection is not always a corrupt tree. Think of it as a tree of good fruit as bad fruit will always drop to the ground.

Look at the resume one more time for an error.
Think about your answer to the hard questions one more time.
Stop obsessing over rejection. Start using it to perfect the delivery of goods that only you possess.

Success is the fruit of failure.

People who have little patience to wait, or little tolerance for rejection fail often. They are afraid to try, and fear being told “no.”
People who do not see failure as part of the design for survival. Some very talented, underemployed yet to be job seekers are wasting their talent because they avoid rejection.
The fear of success overcomes many of the responsibility of helping others.

I thought I would include Denzel Washington’s University of Pennsylvania speech to reiterate the ideal of “failing forward.” Hope you enjoy it.

Do you fit into one of these categories? Do you hate hearing “no” or any form of rejection? Do you fear success? Let me know what part of the job seeking process scares you.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Your Spouse Can Help With The Holiday Job Search

Do you and your spouse attend holiday gatherings held by one another’s friends and families? No? Please, reconsider. This year, see it as an job networking opportunity, and not a waste of time. It is not a time to beg for contacts or a job. Don’t use this time to survey. It is a time to become familiar with a readily available contact pool.

No expectations other than having some productive conversations. Here are my suggestions for having subtle but significant social conversations.

It’s 80-90% about them

People love talking about themselves and their successes (notice I did not say problems). Ask him or her how did they reach this part of their success? Ask them questions related to their training and responsibilities. What makes them tick? Be sure to learn first and last names, and ease up on Mr. Walker, please.

The other 10-20% is barely about you

Again, begging and pleading is a turn-off. However, helping has value that keeps giving beyond the holidays. Yes, see if there are ways to help during a party! Less is more, and when done with caution, you can dictate the terms of engagement. (Hint: If I feel welcomed by the host, and gotten to know them well enough, I volunteer to help with…garbage. Proceed with caution.) Ultimately, you can ask for more information away from the gathering preferably after the holiday.

Your spouse can go to bat for you

If you hit it off with your spouse’s co-worker, then he or she can relieve you of the grunt work. It doesn’t matter if the person will refer you to a different company or the same, co-workers unless adversaries will talk. Talk with your spouse before the party to help him or her understand that you are partying with a purpose. If your spouse is uncomfortable with that, DON’T do it!

These same rules apply to family and other social gatherings. As long as you don’t come across desperate, you can find untapped resources from the people you party with during the holidays. If you are successful in finding someone generous enough to give you names, numbers, and more still follow-up sooner than later by thanking them. A phone call is appropriate, but sending them a thank you gift is too friendly. Remember, subtlety.

I should mention that the holidays are opportunities waiting to happen. It’s slower, and call Human Resources may not be the egg hunt that occurs during non-holidays, particularly after January 1. So use the slow period to your advantage, it is the best time to network.