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9 Reasons Spouses Lose It When You Lose Your Job

Your spouse’s mind raced because the company announced you were laid off. It is one thing to have had steady employment, another when the safety net disintegrates. Many changes are about to take place, and some will affect you.

It’s a layoff, chill. Easier said than done.

I understand. Job loss is hard, and it’s harder when the former employer adds a broad, unfair, undeserved, and potentially damaging narrative.

Read 7 Signs That A Moratorium On Marriage Has Occurred (Until You Find a Job)

The Huffington Post recently reported that married couples on the brink of divorce are waiting because of a lack of employment.

In March 2007, before the bubble burst, 4.6 percent of the labor force was unemployed, according to the Bureau of Labor Statistics. Three years later, the unemployment rate jumped to 10.2 percent. Divorce, on the other hand, decreased by 1.4 percent between 2007 and 2008, according to the report, and then by another 2.8 percent between 2008 and 2009.

Things have changed in the last 10 years.

Your spouse lost their mind over time. Remember when he or she lost it because you worked overtime? You are not alone. At least stats show it’s a slow but grinding process, so there is hope if it seems bad now.

Read Marriage and the Unemployed Spouse

Hiring in your career industry appears bleak, and your marriage has peeling paint. I have listed a few reasons why your spouse is losing their mind if it’s still a mystery to you:

Your spouse thinks you should have seen job loss coming. This premise exposes your lack of communication before it hit the fan.
You are minimizing the impact on the family by saying things like, “It’s not so bad.” “I’m glad it’s over.” “My boss was out to get me!” Transparency is the key, and never talking about it with your spouse is a problem.
Either laid off or fired, you were dishonest about how it happened. That will definitely tick him or her off. Own up to a poor job performance or an incident that was your responsibility.
You’re the one freaking out. You are lashing out at your spouse and children for no reason. Showing control and restraint is YOUR responsibility. Practice temperance and reason, and everyone else should follow.
You lack updated, relevant skills to find a job. Unfortunately, a spouse who has encouraged you to return to school or pursue another career track will have little mercy on you. It is best to be humble, hear the noise, and push forward.
Your spouse knows the lazy person in you will not conduct due diligence. He or she knows that your ambition barely treads water. Diffuse the bomb before it explodes, and be aggressive in searching and researching jobs. Let your family see your research, talk with your spouse about potential decisions critical to the household (night job or day, lower pay, mandatory overtime).
That makes two. When both spouses are out of work, the panic button is abused. Keep your hand off the button!
You won’t take on extra chores since you have extra time. Unemployment has fringe benefits, but another way to reclaim your spouse. If there is a disconnect, then find ways to reconnect. If you know what makes your spouse tick, then be what they need to make them happy.
The lack of money will eventually exploit all marriage weaknesses, or at least most. However, the focus on money can turn into idol worship, thus becoming an even larger issue. Don’t be surprised if this has always been prevalent in your marriage.

Read 10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

Sure, there are other ways to keep the peace. The unemployed spouse has to compensate for the fear of not contributing financially. Although decisions made out of guilt or compulsion are potentially hazardous to any relationship, this is the kick in the behind you need.

Many issues existed before you lost your job. How you deal with them will determine whether your marriage grows or perishes later on.

What are other reasons spouses go CRAZY when a job loss in the family occurs? Perhaps there are ways to handle a spouse’s job loss properly. Please share either by commenting below.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

How To Avoid Being ‘Too Sentimental’ Toward Your Employer

The average person is affected by layoff announcements, whether directly affecting them or coworkers. The cubicle once occupied by a coworker had family pictures. The ones with encouraging smiles or rattling off cliche reminders to take one day at a time are all gone. You challenged yourself to remain unattached to coworkers, but it happened. You didn’t cheat on yourself. You became human.

Most careerists don’t realize sentimentality is a career killer. Yet, according to a recent survey, many give away too much to their employer. Only 45% report their employer sees them as a person. People are staying more and quitting less now, but statistics alone don’t predict satisfaction.

Many workers divorced the idea of coworkers as family. But it doesn’t mean sentimental feelings don’t exist about the job. It’s easy to remember when things were good. The great boss, employer, coworkers, or past accolades were real, but it’s not the current reality. These feelings stifle possibilities as much as a boss who undervalues you. It’s time to get real: You fear change, and the default switch is quiet quitting.

How many times have you put off your job search because you felt obligated to the employer for:

Did they give you the first job?

They promoted you more times than any other company you worked for.

Are your coworkers’ family (please say no)?

All of those seem legitimate when you have those feelings, but they don’t last when:

The new boss doesn’t value you like the old one did.

When peers you’ve trained are promoted ahead of you.

The enforced but dreaded RTO (Return To Office) is a headache.

One could argue acquiescence is equally damaging, but its application fits the company culture. It’s possible to have a culture of sentimental employees but to suggest everyone deciding to remain begrudgingly complacent is silly.

Avoiding sentimentality will mean an intentional path to career growth. It’s a lonely path, but seeing your younger, less experienced coworkers pass you is triggering when it happens.

Here are several steps to take to avoid the sentimental trap:

Find your reasons for career growth and not your coworkers.

The more purposeful you are in planning and strategizing your exit, the better traction you’ll sustain. As a “business of one,” you must consider what your next steps will create the most profit. Stifled professionals witness their younger and less experienced colleagues advance their careers and get mad but don’t get even. It only lasts a minute because it’s easier to immerse deeper into a project to meet a deadline.

Invest time and money into professional development.

Stagnant professionals often find themselves proverbial light-years behind when looking for new jobs. Technology is changing at the speed of light. If it’s been several years since you’ve received further training, finding relevance in your exit will take a lot of work. To show you can adapt to new technology and be adept at different kinds of learning, use your new skills to volunteer at an organization and ask for a reference in return for good work.

Join and get active in your industry’s organization.

There are valuable networking and development opportunities your company doesn’t offer. Active and engaging organizations offer a front seat to innovation, emerging technology, and how peers are advancing their careers. When you add value by presenting at an industry conference, participating in a committee, or helping in developing membership policies, members will connect with you.

Cultivate growth in your current position.

Your future employer will scrutinize your qualifications through the lens of relevance. Your performance, productivity, and problem-solving ability must be applied now rather than embedded in your past. Start tracking and documenting your past and present commissions using results and achievements to show impact. It will inform you how you can grow and use the data to help update your resume and make improvements for your following performance review.