How to Request a Demotion In The Nicest Way Possible by Mark Anthony Dyson

Some professionals will see a demotion of quitting or feel unprovoked shame if they ask for a demotion. If you are a highly self-aware professional, you already know a demotion is a leverage for your next career move. For everyone else, a downgrade in responsibility is perceived as unimaginable. Demotions can be a strategy to retool or refresh an otherwise stale career track. 

This is not a sexy topic because these days, the talk is more about negotiating or at least trying to get more money. The most successful negotiation I’ve seen or experienced is not getting more money but achieving a job satisfaction fit. From the beginning, my work life and career share a space of toggling peace and production for the job. More money is often, but not exclusive, to performance enhancement. It’s a climb uphill, associated with exhaustion and results, and many professionals live to gain career collateral.

On the way to success, many need relationships for introductions and strategy, but I submit the same is required for a more strategic demotion. Stress relief is enough to ask, but it can be the tool you won’t get with promotions: The space for retooling and re-energizing.

Lessons from fitness

As a former personal trainer, and even now, as someone who trains regularly, I see it every day at a gym. You injured yourself and can’t lift the heavier weight due to something wrong with the fundamental structure or heal the injury. Sometimes, the damage is bound to happen because of the improper technique using the exercise basics. 

The sexiest thing for men is to show they can squat or bench press a lot of weight. It’s always been that way. We pride ourselves on our physical strength (despite how unimpressed others are). When we can no longer squat or become injured during a squat or a bench press, we stop doing it forever. Only a few will work on doing exercises (while healing) to improve our form or technique. Sometimes, it means doing warm-up activities involving less weight and slowing our roll. 

Whether it’s a shoulder (bench press) or a quadricep (squat) injury, there are exercises to help facilitate better mobility and improve technique. These exercises often help alleviate the pain and discomfort injuries produce. Some men gut it out to reinjure it and never repair the damage. Some would never try those movements again for fear of pain or not wanting to do the rehab work. 

Demotions, in a positive way, are the rehab exercises, often meant to do something more meaningful and require a heavier lift. There’s nothing wrong with getting out of a stressful position due to stress. I’ve done it. To build a more substantial structure, tear down the older, weakened one and rebuilt one with a stronger foundation. 

There are reasons to fear demotions.

Demotions are perceived as weakness and often hurt us when the load is too much. Here are a few common reasons someone hesitates to request a demotion:

• You feel you are letting the team down. While pushing through is easy, you have nothing to motivate you to keep going. 
• Your original motivation is gone. You started vigorously for the cause but are burning out through letdowns and disappointments, whether through shortcomings or lack of support from the team or management. 
• You see a better way to serve. I remember leaving work committees because it wasn’t doing my advancement. It indirectly caused me to rise as coworkers on the committees I worked on received promotions by upper management to leadership positions. When I switched responsibilities, I discovered a better way to serve, giving me more exposure. It wouldn’t have happened without saying “no” before my eventual promotion. 
• The position is undervalued. While others don’t recognize your value, you see your access to tools, resources, and others is limited. Not only it’s not reflected in the pay, but also respect. Staying would be undignified, and your efforts go unnoticed. 
• The fear of negatively impacting your relationships with your team. Many workers find a demotion scales their relationships in the way of being a resource for new and former teammates. I experienced resigning from a management position to a non-management place and being seen as valuable because I had a view of the bigger picture. Caveat: Sometimes, there are complications when seeking a non-management position after being a manager for several years. That can be navigated easier when you demonstrate how your experience is an asset to your new team.

Sometimes it may take several conversations to convey and structure a step-away plan, but it’s better on your terms. For this conversation, I offer suggestions on starting, but finishing is contingent on your thoughtfulness and research:

1) They don’t want to lead a team

A good example is when a manager with direct reports gets clear they no longer want the stress of leading a team but have other skills valuable to the department or company and can leverage a move in a way that serves themselves and others. They could still be a valuable resource because of their internal/external relationships with clients and other company areas.

How to start the ask: It helps to be specific and start with the positives of what they learned from the team and their boss but no longer finds meaning in work. They will be helpful as a resource and help make a smooth transition.

2) They may need career clarity

Skills have a shelf life, and they seek to add new skills to converge into a new area. Pulling back in responsibilities (and, at times, less pay) makes sense, knowing there is a bigger picture with more income to upgrade skills.

How to start the ask: While it may be a concern you might leave the company, they will benefit the most by being diplomatic. Having a plan where they can add value will temper questions about going. The “I can be much more of an asset while being accessible” approach works often. It may not keep a manager wondering, but they will appreciate you are interested in remaining a key contributor.

3) They are not on the same page as their boss/team/team leader

Savvy employees who don’t share the values of their leader still want to do meaningful work but feel they would be an asset in another role with a more progressive leader. It makes sense to step back to serve in another capacity where the skills and challenges are more meaningful.

How to start the ask: Sometimes, the manager will take this personally, and at times, it’s apparent two people see things differently. The emotion has to be taken out of the request to step down. Some managers will take it personally when someone wants to move to another position or make a voluntary demotion or lateral move. Position the spirit of the ask the move would be in the team’s best interest, “I see the team thriving without me” carries better.

4) Diminished zeal for the work

Interests change, and the employee has found a new purpose. This job no longer aligns with their unique goals. If they don’t want to leave the company and their performance is still on par, it would still help to be specific about how they envision the plus side of change.

How to start the ask: “I see another way to do this work, bringing us into new technology and saving money and time.”

Most professionals must reframe demotions to shift from what may lack in purpose could change to what they value. Jobs have a shelf life, but it’s different for each person. Assuming the original promotion was to a management position, there’s usually a shift in responsibilities during a management tenure. This may result in a lack of interest or burnout. There’s nothing wrong with crying “uncle” and moving on. It helps to be strategic, but it’s not always possible.