Career Management - The Voice of Job Seekers

Two Conversations Parents Must Have: The Sex and Career Talk

My original article was first published on the Good Men Project!

Most of us dads jack up the sex talk and never have the career talk. That’s right. We concentrate on just talking about sex without helping them to have good sex. Or even, to perform like we’ve been there before. I mean to do all the right things to do before sex includes having the right kind of relationship, treating his partner the right way, being optimally considerate throughout. This means many things to many men, and although the means to an end is targeted towards marriage in my household, you can find multiple applications in this discussion.

Now, you’re thinking that the career talk is sending them to college or trade school, and telling them to find a job is the career talk. My argument is you couldn’t be farther from reality than our dads were with us. Today’s job search is complex, and many of the old rules don’t exist. The sex and career talk are complicated and requires an ongoing discussion with both parents whenever possible.

As the parental units, we need to stop the madness our parents passed on to us:

Telling them the world is theirs, but limiting “acceptable” career choices
Living our career aspirations vicariously through our children (it should be a sin)
Not know their heart’s desire but only know what you want
Lacking the tolerance of them changing their minds even if it’s 20 times between high school and college
College is not for everybody and anybody. We can argue the worth of a college degree later. It’s not a bad idea to explore organizations to get your son career ready
There’s no sin in your son to major in film school, liberal arts, or classical music majors

The career talk is as complicated as the sex talk. Although, with our son, it’s the relationship talk and both are related in this way: The better the relationship optimizes the physical engagement. Yet, as a family, we want to emphasize the results when the relationship building is the most critical. As fathers, we have an ugly assignment when talking about sex. As a teen, I grew up with my Aunt, she explained how beautiful sex is but I was so lost because I didn’t know how to get there or recognize it when I got there.

In the same spirit we need to change the dialogue about careers need to apply to the sex talk:

Relationship and sex are not synonymous
Sex is just an act
We never talk about sex (I don’t want to know)

Hopefully, you started early with the sex talk in talking about good touches and bad touches. Why not have the talk about doing work and getting a job? In my opinion, it is an entirely different discussion than “chores.”

Careers are talked about in the same way. We’re told the world is ours, and we can be anything but we were lost in conducting a fruitful job search. It’s difficult for young people to connect to how disconnected employers are intentional with job seekers. Employers set-up this wall of security for them (not for you) called the Automated Tracking System (ATS) to filter out the unqualified human beings. Many large companies are using computers and robots to do the work for them. Relationships are the best chance to reach and engage humans:

1) Both require sustaining relationships

Relationships are required for the long path of support and renewed faith of who are? When we lose jobs, or a relationship we wonder are we the same person or have we lost our way. Assessment tests don’t read our eyes, listen to our tones, or judge our behavior. Nor can they put a reassuring hand on our shoulder, tell us it’s alright, or reignite the faith we lose. I was a slow learner when it came to relationships, obtuse in my understanding of them, but thrived when I valued them both professionally and personally.

2) Both talks keep them accountable in ways that matter most

If you are just teaching them about sex, as you are teaching how to get a job, where are you leading them? A great career as in a great relationship is a continued learning. Much of the best lessons are from failure. As a parent, you can’t protect them all of the time. You can manage his expectations through helping them value relationships. The best talks with my first son and I had with his first job were immediately when he came home from work. We focused on his working relationships, not the work incidents. This made a difference in how he has navigated his search for other opportunities.

3) Both talks deepes our relationship with our sons

Our sons will feel weird about talking about either sex or career. Once my oldest (and now my youngest son) starts to trust because of his experiences, triumphs, errors and even failure, he is more open to deepen any part of the ongoing dialogue. We need patience in order for them to absorb all we say contrary to their peers, but he will rebound and adapt parts if not all we share. If he rejects it, don’t worry, he will grow into what makes sense for them. In most cases, the bonding will infuse your world with his, which will mean much to both of you.

4) It’s the catalyst for healthy relationships and life

Since there are many definitions of what a healthy relationship looks like, there is no argument of what it means to our life experiences. It also builds a sustainable careers path and also creates depth in romance.

Getting a job, or just having sex solely for the act has a long-term low expectation of meaningful success (if that’s your definition). The sex talk these days about sustaining the right relationship, education, and respect. The career talk today is not just getting a job, but navigating and building a meaningful career throughout several opportunities, not one long stand with one company (that’s not bad, it is rare for an individual to do so).

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Father’s Day Career Advice from 7 Career Professionals

This article originally appeared on the Good Men Project!

My oldest son is doing his second internship this summer and graduates this fall. One of the best things I think I did was to talk to him about his career aspirations early. He enjoyed those discussions so much he often initiates them with me and my wife. As he changed his mind about what areas to pursue, he picked up a skill he was able to use elsewhere. There were things I didn’t teach him but it was mostly his tenacity. I saw this as he applied to different jobs often getting the interview and a job offer without help from either my wife or I (although I helped him write his resume). One year he had seven different jobs in a year while attending school full-time, volunteering, and joining a fraternity.

Often times, an open discussion early on is a great start their career orientation and success. For Father’s Day, I wondered what and how other career professionals advise their children upon their transition from high school.

This is what they shared.

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Torin Ellis, author, TorinEllis.com

I shared with my daughter that you enter each conversation prepared to actively listen. Suggesting she use responses given by the interviewer to shape her responses. For instance, one question she would ask: If you could hire anyone to join your team, who would it be and why?

The response I gave telegraphs who they are looking for. She then should emulate complimentary qualities in her responses in an organic way. Mirrors the interviewer, using a real example, and not robotic or predictable. It worked and has worked.

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Doug Perry, Dental Hygenist Resume Writer, GetHiredRDH.com

I have four children, one of them is launched into his career, another is in college and I have one in high school and another in junior high. All parents know each child comes with their own set of natural abilities and that they develop interests, aptitudes, and passions for things along the way. We all know that, yet we have a vision for our children that fits certain paradigms. Sometimes they may have an interest in something that comes out of left field, outside that paradigm, and we struggle with it even though there are some who make a living from it and really enjoy it.

The first thing I had to learn to do is let them run with it – encourage them to continue it, give it my blessing. That was hard at first, but I am learning how important it is to allow for it. Children need that from their parents more than they need to even be good at it – they need to know they are loved and supported. If it’s not right for them, they will come to that conclusion on their own in their own time frame. My job as a parent is to simply endorse their decision.

The second thing I had to learn to do was even harder, which is to engage with them in that interest. I have a neighbor who’s son wanted to play field hockey in high school. My neighbor didn’t even know the sport existed, but not only was he cool with it, he decided to learn everything he could about the sport so he could spend more time with his son. It wasn’t long before he learned the game and became a volunteer coach for that sport at the school and even stayed on a couple years coaching after his son had finished high school.

I tried to learn from my neighbor’s example. My oldest son wanted to buy camera equipment to be a videographer someday. We didn’t have the money to just give him everything, but I did have a lawnmower and so he and I started a lawn company that paid for all his equipment and gave us lots of time to spend together talking about his passion. I’m pleased to report that just a few weeks ago he landed his first videography job – the employer who hired him was amazed at his level of skill at age 22. But I wasn’t because he’s been making videos for about 10 years – it was his passion and dream. I didn’t create that success – he did the work. But I did have a great example in my neighbor that helped me do what my son needed me to do.

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Marc Miller, author, CareerPivot.com

My son learned one valuable life lesson growing up. A work ethic trumps natural talents in the workplace… most of the time.

My son inherited most of my language learning disabilities, which were extensive. During much of his formative years, we would enroll him in a single honors class in school and pay for a tutor. He was told it was acceptable to get a C grade but most of the time he received a B. He learned that if he worked hard he would be successful in areas that he did not come naturally.

He was one heck of a work ethic!

When he graduated and was looking for his first real job after college, I taught him that the magic word is “advice.” When you ask for advice, people will rarely turn you down. It is a compliment.

He is still using this technique ten years after graduating from school.

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Ryan Rhoten, Brand New You Podcast, RyanRhoten.com

My son is a runner with aspirations to run in college. Having spoken with several college recruiters and entrance administration personnel as research for my podcast, I knew getting into college was a lot more competitive today than when I went to school.

I knew he was going to need to stand out from the rest of the applicants.

In 8th grade, I purchased his first and last name as a domain. As a freshman, I had him write his first post. It was about his latest cross country workout.

Since then he has blogged off and on about not only running but now his latest passion, weightlifting.

In addition to the blog, I also taught him the proper way to use Twitter. Prior to his usage was mostly “sub-tweets” (yes, this is a thing). I showed him how to curate the content of others on Twitter, limiting the content related to his interests, running and weightlifting.

With his blog and Twitter account now in place and being used properly, we talked about how he was building his brand online and how his brand would come across to administration officials and coaches at universities.

Our focus was on congruency, being consistent and appropriate across the web. When his name is looked up online by coaches, and it is, they find a young man who has taken the time to build a blog and an online profile that is all about his love for running and staying in shape.

The coaches who have contacted him at this point have indicated his online presence is what made the difference for him over others. You see, his times, while slightly faster than mine (pun intended) are only slightly above average and they are not quite yet to the division one standards to run in college.

Yet despite this, college coaches are contacting him to introduce themselves and their programs. His online presence is making the difference. He has had one offer to run so far and his contact frequency by coaches is included.

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Bill Holland, Author, CollegetoCareerCatalyst.com

As a freshman scholarship athlete, my initial impression was there would be an ominous emphasis on winning. That’s what I was told and expected as I dressed for my first ever football practice at Michigan State University. I had always wanted to be a Spartan and now was my chance

Then it hit like a thunderbolt from nowhere: a GrantlandRice quote written largely above the locker room exit so no one could miss it on their way to the field of competition each and every day.

“For when the one great scorer comes to mark against your name,: he writes—not that you won or lost—but how you played the Game.”

I shared that insight with my two boys many times as they competed in sports; grew to adulthood and began to raise their own. When I was asked by Mark Dyson to share what worked with my kids, I in turn, asked them. Both separate and apart replied, that “my” Grantland Rice quote had served them well in life and fatherhood.

I trust that when they say “my” they attribute the act of sharing as the key event. My apologies to Mr. Rice but the independent attributions remain as a source of personal pride and on-going successful fatherhood

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Mark Babbitt, Author, CEO at YouTern – President, Switch & Shift

The one piece of career advice that worked for them was not to believe in “The Big Lie.” Simply put, the big lie tells us that a college degree magically makes us employable. The truth, however, is that a college degree today only helps us meet minimum requirements… and that education is only a small fraction of what employers look for in today’s job market.
To lead without permission. I’m proud of my kids for many reasons… but mostly I’m proud that each has turned into a confident, effective leader.
Work your butt off. Show some hustle. Abandon your comfort zones. Most important, stay focused on solutions even while others settle for worshipping the problem.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Why Your Career Needs CPR

Many people have a hard time taking career advice from family and friends. They will sometimes ask a family member to help with a resume (unlikely to yield significant results), but will usually seek outside help. The job seeker then seeks out marketing materials such as resume, cover letter, and a few will see the critical value of a LinkedIn profile. Many will want coaching or at least advice to best find job openings or how to transition to a new career. That’s good.

What’s bad? Many depend on some other circumstance, person, or charity to give them something that breathes life into their career soul. I agree people career needs require revival, but many times it starts before a resume, or a job board profile, or even a LinkedIn profile. There’s life ready for resurrection and everyone has it but just needs re-awakening. I call it “Career CPR.”

It’s not a product I have or a webinar. There’s no way I can author something already paginated on our souls. It’s powerful and it exists in everyone:

#courage

This attribute is available more in just survival mode. We think it’s only available when fear is present but it is far more in excess during a proactive job search. We’ve determined we want more than a job. We want a career fulfilling our need to be useful and productive. Chasing meaning means more than chastising our obligation to money. Then there are the times when layoffs, being fired, a bombastic boss, or a lack of fit means accessing this anecdote to fear. We’re vulnerable and weak, yet there are cells of strength in our cells and corpuscles we can employ without thinking.

#patience

One of the hardest attributes to practice. When our circumstances go awry, we want to forcefully take it back and impose our will in places it doesn’t belong. These days, friends and family will quickly abandon any charitable acts of comfort or any type of help. It’s better to sow the seeds of our future while we have at least momentary control of our careers than exhort anyone during a sudden change. Patience unlocks understanding. Understanding unlocks faith in our abilities.

#perseverance

While will wait for employers to make decisions, we will not put all of our eggs in a single basket. We push through like a thread through a needle. We will not wait to be handed anything even when the pain of asking for another personal for a referral is excruciating. Even if we have an offer in our hands we need to ask, “Is this the right possibility?” Even if we had a third interview we ask, “Is this what’s best right now?” Survive, but don’t settle.

#persistence

It is easier to accept “no” as an answer the first time. Jamie interviewed more than 90 times in the same company and still didn’t get a promotion. She could have allowed “no” to harbor bitterness but decided to create a purpose through her blog Black Girl Nerds. There are many job seekers who survived long-term unemployment like Paul who received one job offer after receiving his doctorate from M.I.T. Do more than just “hang in there,” thwart “no” as a final answer in your mind, then live it.

#resilience

We learn from our mistakes sometimes a little later than we should, but comes from a default mode, as if the choice was on the dessert menu. We want to complain and grumble but does it help? Does it ease the pain? Not really. It only passes the time. True resilience conceives character, determination, and understanding. It makes durable. It forces us to overcome.

Through any job search, we should strengthen through the process and produce fruit at the end. We’ll need fruit to contribute our gifts and unique perspective. We’ll remember the blood and sweat as reminders of what CPR produced in us. It wasn’t just survival, it was a test pruning us for this opportunity whether an elongated job search, career change or new opportunity. If we’re not different, and fail to see new possibilities, then where will we stand when need to CPR our careers again?