Teens Archives - The Voice of Job Seekers

Two Conversations Parents Must Have: The Sex and Career Talk

My original article was first published on the Good Men Project!

Most of us dads jack up the sex talk and never have the career talk. That’s right. We concentrate on just talking about sex without helping them to have good sex. Or even, to perform like we’ve been there before. I mean to do all the right things to do before sex includes having the right kind of relationship, treating his partner the right way, being optimally considerate throughout. This means many things to many men, and although the means to an end is targeted towards marriage in my household, you can find multiple applications in this discussion.

Now, you’re thinking that the career talk is sending them to college or trade school, and telling them to find a job is the career talk. My argument is you couldn’t be farther from reality than our dads were with us. Today’s job search is complex, and many of the old rules don’t exist. The sex and career talk are complicated and requires an ongoing discussion with both parents whenever possible.

As the parental units, we need to stop the madness our parents passed on to us:

Telling them the world is theirs, but limiting “acceptable” career choices
Living our career aspirations vicariously through our children (it should be a sin)
Not know their heart’s desire but only know what you want
Lacking the tolerance of them changing their minds even if it’s 20 times between high school and college
College is not for everybody and anybody. We can argue the worth of a college degree later. It’s not a bad idea to explore organizations to get your son career ready
There’s no sin in your son to major in film school, liberal arts, or classical music majors

The career talk is as complicated as the sex talk. Although, with our son, it’s the relationship talk and both are related in this way: The better the relationship optimizes the physical engagement. Yet, as a family, we want to emphasize the results when the relationship building is the most critical. As fathers, we have an ugly assignment when talking about sex. As a teen, I grew up with my Aunt, she explained how beautiful sex is but I was so lost because I didn’t know how to get there or recognize it when I got there.

In the same spirit we need to change the dialogue about careers need to apply to the sex talk:

Relationship and sex are not synonymous
Sex is just an act
We never talk about sex (I don’t want to know)

Hopefully, you started early with the sex talk in talking about good touches and bad touches. Why not have the talk about doing work and getting a job? In my opinion, it is an entirely different discussion than “chores.”

Careers are talked about in the same way. We’re told the world is ours, and we can be anything but we were lost in conducting a fruitful job search. It’s difficult for young people to connect to how disconnected employers are intentional with job seekers. Employers set-up this wall of security for them (not for you) called the Automated Tracking System (ATS) to filter out the unqualified human beings. Many large companies are using computers and robots to do the work for them. Relationships are the best chance to reach and engage humans:

1) Both require sustaining relationships

Relationships are required for the long path of support and renewed faith of who are? When we lose jobs, or a relationship we wonder are we the same person or have we lost our way. Assessment tests don’t read our eyes, listen to our tones, or judge our behavior. Nor can they put a reassuring hand on our shoulder, tell us it’s alright, or reignite the faith we lose. I was a slow learner when it came to relationships, obtuse in my understanding of them, but thrived when I valued them both professionally and personally.

2) Both talks keep them accountable in ways that matter most

If you are just teaching them about sex, as you are teaching how to get a job, where are you leading them? A great career as in a great relationship is a continued learning. Much of the best lessons are from failure. As a parent, you can’t protect them all of the time. You can manage his expectations through helping them value relationships. The best talks with my first son and I had with his first job were immediately when he came home from work. We focused on his working relationships, not the work incidents. This made a difference in how he has navigated his search for other opportunities.

3) Both talks deepes our relationship with our sons

Our sons will feel weird about talking about either sex or career. Once my oldest (and now my youngest son) starts to trust because of his experiences, triumphs, errors and even failure, he is more open to deepen any part of the ongoing dialogue. We need patience in order for them to absorb all we say contrary to their peers, but he will rebound and adapt parts if not all we share. If he rejects it, don’t worry, he will grow into what makes sense for them. In most cases, the bonding will infuse your world with his, which will mean much to both of you.

4) It’s the catalyst for healthy relationships and life

Since there are many definitions of what a healthy relationship looks like, there is no argument of what it means to our life experiences. It also builds a sustainable careers path and also creates depth in romance.

Getting a job, or just having sex solely for the act has a long-term low expectation of meaningful success (if that’s your definition). The sex talk these days about sustaining the right relationship, education, and respect. The career talk today is not just getting a job, but navigating and building a meaningful career throughout several opportunities, not one long stand with one company (that’s not bad, it is rare for an individual to do so).

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Teaching Young People Value and What it Means to Their Career (And Yours)

This article was originally published on the Good Men Project!

Learned values early on will benefit teens in the workplace and in life.

I didn’t value money the same way my dad did when it came to money. It changes from generation to generation for most of us in my view. For those of us who are Baby Boomers, we understood, and at times, we were forced to understand what our parents valued. It was critical because if you didn’t, you would miss out. It was Dad’s philosophy that counted the most.

My dad didn’t waste money in any way. He always talked about saving money.

He was so great at saving; he retired at 59. For many Baby Boomers like me, we will be working past 65, or won’t retire at all.

My dad saved coins. Lots of coins. He had a tray with a divider on his dresser categorized by types of coins: silver dollars, half dollars, quarters, nickels, and dimes. He didn’t waste money in any way. He always talked about saving money.

Me, the coin thing, not so much. I am thrifty, but not through coins. I just don’t spend a lot of money. My sons are the same way, and my wife as well, although she loves coin saving. She has tried to convince my sons to save coins but to no avail.

When both my sons were teens, my parents thought they were old enough to appreciate coin saving. When the new quarters were released, mom and dad started a coin collection for them. My parents called relatives and friends to help collect quarters from each state. It took them a few months to complete the collection but they did it! On a visit to New York, they wanted me to take the collection back to the boys. You should have seen the accomplishment glow in my parents’ eyes! They were extremely excited to share this collection with the boys.

The parallels are important for job seekers of all age but critical for our teen children to learn now.

Let me back up a bit. My wife loves coin-saving, so she can spend it. She would (and still does) save coins to go shopping as part of her MAD MONEY. To her credit, it was to save up for the boys to get what they needed and sometimes wanted. At times, it was for herself. That change was spent.

So back to my visit with my parents, who proudly presented me with the quarter collection they spent so much time and effort on. They asked me to take it back to them. With all of the parental data I collected, at that moment, I just asked them to hold on to it. That was four years ago, and they still have it. The reason wasn’t only the boys will want to spend it. In monetary value, it was $11.25. In its true value, it was hours, time, thought, love, encouragement, and hope in collecting it.

I didn’t want to give that away to be under-appreciated. At least at that time.

The parallels are important for job seekers of all age but critical for our teen children to learn now:

1.- Employers will not give away what they value to someone who doesn’t try to understand. A career is more than duties and responsibilities. Whatever you contribute to an employer is increasing the value of the position and the company. They need to know you will and how you will.

2.- Do you understand your value? Is it only summarized by its cash value? That’s the difference between finding a job or gaining a career. How much work have you invested through time, education (not necessarily college or trade school), enduring hardships, and learning through failure?

3.- Employers mostly hire those who establish value wins for both sides. If there isn’t a sense of satisfaction for both the employer and candidate, then eventually everyone loses. If I gave the coins to my boys at that time, although appreciated initially, them squandering the collection would have broken my parents.

Similarly, by hiring the wrong person, employers would feel their investment is similarly squandered. Hiring today takes nearly 60 days although it is bound to get shorter in days to come. In the meantime, companies are scrutinizing each candidate more and more.

4.- Does your reputation (or personal brand) determine how you will be entrusted with a sacred opportunity? What are others saying about your behavior, work, and response to a crisis?

5.- Do you know why it’s a sacred opportunity – to the employer? Your research needs to tell you why. Your actions must display that you’re convinced you should bring dignity to that position. How? Focus on skills and measured results as proof!

No one has equal value as no one values equally. What we value as parents will change, upgrade and downgrade and for our children, it will be the same at a faster pace. In years to come, they will have two or three remote jobs, and learning what employers need will be critical as the expectation for good work, perpetual learning, and business savvy are basic means for survival.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Preparing Young People to be Job Ready

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I’ve wanted to do a show to prepare young people to be job-ready for a while now. It is critical that teens learn the processes and skills to get a job. Youth unemployment last year increased to more than 20 million as the talent gap becomes more defined. Natascha Saunders is a Youth Career Coach, who will help us understand how to prepare young people to be job-ready.

Let me know your thoughts about this episode. Here’s how you can expand the conversation:

Call and leave a voicemail at 708-365-9822, or text your comments to the same number
Go to TheVoiceofJobSeekers.com, press the “Send Voicemail” button on the right side of your screen and leave a message
Send email feedback to [email protected]

Let me share more about Natascha. She is the founder of Youth Career Coach, Incorporated. She is a certified career coach and also a Ph.D. candidate, Doctor of Education (Ed.D.) (ABD), Organizational Leadership & Communication at Northeastern University. Her media expertise has been displayed on ABC, COX, and WHUR radio.

Here are some highlights from our conversation:

Natascha saw how students erroneously filled out academic and employment applications—it inspired for her to start coaching young people
Although she had a lot of academic credentials, she felt the need to obtain a coaching certification
She also has coached executives, and she explains the similarities between coaching teens and adults
Teens are more focused on short-term goals although long-term change is frequent and eminent. Adults often need to conduct a stealth job search. Both teens and adults are challenged with confidence
Natascha sees the challenges of young adults constant change of focus. She digs into the reason why—calling it reverse management
Educate and problem solving are essential skills in her work with teens

Need help with your career goals, directions, or efforts? Do you need coaching or instruction? I am here for it!

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Don’t forget the last show for the season is July 26, and the new one will begin on Sept. 6. I will be publishing new articles (up to 3x a week) on the blog. If you’re a career pro and love giving career advice, let me know. I would love to have more guest writers during my hiatus and beyond.