Marriage Archives - The Voice of Job Seekers

10 Wondrous Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

Marriage is a powerful relationship. Yes, I see and hear the eye-rolling, head-shaking, and let-me-check-my-Facebook-page-on-my-phone people sigh in the “I’m sick of hearing this myth” attitude. I must warn you that this post is a positive marriage post, so if you need to stop reading, go ahead. But please allow me to pontificate because the evidence below is from personal experience and the relationships of many of my friends and a career practitioner. Your spouse will boost your career aspirations, goals, and accomplishments if you let him or her. I will spare you the “what doesn’t kill you” cliché, but the formula hasn’t changed. It takes two selfless, imperfect, and sacrificing individuals to make your career thrive through your spouse.

I don’t know one marriage that has lasted the last ten years without confronting serious career decisions. The divorce rate has risen recently because couples from broken marriages waited out the Great Recession for a better financial situation. We will probably see the divorce rate surge past 50% in the next few years. Although job loss isn’t the sole reason for the marriage’s demise, it is often exposed to problems that do or sometimes are the last straw.

1. Your spouse will likely tell you the unfiltered truth. One of the challenges and blessings of marriage is how your spouse relays the “you’re not doing it right” message. Sometimes, the rough delivery is the wake-up call to take a second look at your approach to anything. In this case, your job search, career goals, professional fashion attempts, and/or relationships could be boosted. Your spouse knows exactly what button to push, and sometimes, the buttons that annoy you the most are the ones that motivate you in the way that moves you to action. It’s also a sign of a good partnership. Sure, there are times when the delivery of the message is painful and, at times, causes a little dissension. But you think about it several times when you realize that person has your best interest at heart.

2. His/her network is your network. You have twice the contacts most wouldn’t have when you were single. For this to be truly effective, when you need to help family members with trivial chores or attend a school play, position them in your mind as networking or career management. Mostly, you will find yourself telling family members what you do and the why, how, where, and when about your career. Don’t lose sight of the goal here, as numbers count, and how deep you dig into your network counts more.

3. He or she can help you rehearse conversations and interviews or proofread. This works if your spouse does any of these as a part of their job. Proofreading is great if your husband is a writer or is doing his graduate work. Or if your wife is an editor or writes herself. But if they are neither, it can get you closer if he or she catches errors. Your spouse can help you with the little communication habits that turn people off or annoy them. My wife drills into me about eye contact. I did a good job before meeting her, but after all these years of hearing about it, I think I’ve been excellent at eye contact since we’ve been together.

4. Encouragement. If you are not the main source of encouragement for your spouse, it is usually not reciprocated. But if you work at it with your spouse, where both of you are competitive and encouraging to each other, it can be a powerful tool.

5. Each other’s coworkers become a significant part of your career trajectory. I have seen coworkers become part of the solution in married life. These days, coworker relationships are more constant than dating and sometimes marriage relationships. If mutual liking and respect exist, these relationships are countless but advantageous.

6. Your spouse can challenge you like no one else. This is a powerful motivation in a positive way in my marriage. If your relationship has the right tenor (in my opinion), no one can move you to action, lift you, or crush you like your spouse. If this dynamic is mutual, it is a sign of a marriage that will strengthen for years to come, and experience continued career success.

7. People are positively motivated when two work as one. There is nothing more encouraging when couples coordinate, promote, and act on the same page. This takes a lot of communication and understanding, but if you’re not, this can be contentious. This means that your efforts together will stagnate, but on the other hand, what is revealed can be rectified if the desire is mutual.

8. When one falls, the other will lift you. When a spouse is conducting a job search, it affects the two of you. All the anxiety, nervousness, and stress are on both of you. It is not recognizable at first because it affects each person differently. It is difficult to see if you are the person who needs a job or a new job. The trap is realized when one doesn’t become what the other needs. Finding ways to serve each other during this time is a balm or remedy. The power comes when spouses are trying to out-serve the other. Then courage, patience, perseverance, persistence, and resilience are installed in each other due to lifting up one another.

9. Your Spouse Is an Expert in Your Talents. The bonus is if they can bring out the best of you. This doesn’t continually transform into career attributes, but sometimes affirmation from your spouse can inject energy and synergy into your job search. This is especially helpful when job leads run dry.

10. He or she can shorten the length of pain and disappointment. The job search is a roller coaster full of ups and downs, peaks and valleys, and, at times, depression is even harder to anticipate. Sometimes, we need comfort, not more strategies, follow-ups, or attempts. Yes, the need to keep going is essential, but the moments of rejuvenation are needed more. From a hug to shutting out the world for an evening will work. Sometimes, we need someone else to let us relax and take our minds away from the grind when it’s a grind. The job search is a hilly, rocky, and muddy marathon. Anything spouses can do to ease the pain is essential.

By no means will a combination of my suggestions fix shortcomings such as specific skills or personal attributes needed for any profession. What it will do is help each spouse endure the challenges that are often faced in today’s complicated job search. If you need these things in your life, then I know where you can start: You start becoming what he or she needs.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

How to Create Realistic Expectations During Your Job Search

Your job search needs to be dynamic, but based on realistic expectations. We envy those who make it look easy. I liken it to getting and staying married. When I met my wife, it wasn’t “love at first sight.”

Are you ready for an emotional ride of sorts? Are you willing to employ grit and grind? That’s what it will take in 2023 and beyond. There is a lot of waiting, too. This is only one part of the job search because smart and savvy job seekers understand it’s a combination of their network, timing, and a strong personal brand in concert. A big part of it is your understanding of what an employer needs. Perhaps they need you at this time.

You won’t know until you’re willing to be a little bold (which is a realistic expectation).

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Looking at how easily other job seekers get jobs can hurt your mindset. I remember watching other couples, I wanted to be them, but with the right girl. It was going to take time—so will your job search.

Is your job search network friendly? Are you prepared for incremental gains? Will you be persistent and resilient enough to remain the focus for a possible 6-9 month job search? The Bureau of Labor and Statistics says unemployment is below 5%, but people are more transient in their careers. Yes, baby boomers will work until they are 75 years old, but many people are advancing their careers by changing jobs. Right now, there are active and underemployed job seekers on the market, taking advantage of their employability by remaining employed while looking.

There won’t be an easy way to do it either. Today’s job search requires 100% engagement and a wide variety of approaches. The “click and submit” method is not nearly sufficient. I’ve heard other career professionals quote (and I have done so in the past) 80% of all jobs are posted on job boards, but I don’t think it’s true. This article from the Wall Street Journal cites it too from 2013. I do think there’s a chunk of jobs not posted, and more existing because the employer hasn’t met you. Yet.

Realistic expectations don’t come naturally. You must insert them inside your strategy. I met my wife through her best friend, who I was dating at the time. As I mentioned, it wasn’t “love at first sight” for that reason. But her best friend and I didn’t work out, yet, I wasn’t focused on pursuing my future wife.

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Along the way your perspective will be challenged in many ways:

Downtime will challenge realistic expectations.

Dating is best when you have options. So is your job search. More people are searching for new opportunities, and if your job search is your “second job,” you won’t have much downtime. It does say you need to create some, and it’s challenging. Conversely, if you are unemployed, you have too much time and should create a schedule, a to-do list, and employ a multi-level approach. This means to create long-term career plans, not just to get the job now.

Get my free eGuide, 50 Practical Modern Job Search Tips You Need Today

Accountability sets realistic expectations.

Expanding and cultivating your network powers your job search. It is the tool to make your efforts meaningful and holistic. Invite people who are unabashedly truthful but empathetic as part of your team. Ask them to be truthful and reward them for it.

Informational interviews (business conversations) help set realistic expectations.

Interviews with hiring managers fill in the blanks if you’re asking the right questions about the industry, the position, and the skills. When I became interested in my wife (a year removed from dating her best friend), I asked a lot of questions of our common friends. I didn’t want to come off desperate and knew they would report everything. If you go to an employer in a desperate state and ask for a job (that may not exist), you’re in the wrong mental space. Done right, it could enhance future conversations and interactions with other hiring managers, your resume, and your value. It’s intel for future conversations and real interviews unless they invite you to the party.

Continued learning will heighten realistic expectations.

Successful job candidates are perpetual learners. They find ways to add to his or her career arsenal and apply it their work, side hustles, or content. If you’re changing careers, standing out by teaching what you learned is a way to catch the eyes of recruiters or hiring managers since most people refuse to do everything that it takes. I think that was the turning point of my relationship, both of us learning and believing we’ll do what it takes.

Your spouse or partner will set realistic expectations in proper perspective.

Nothing sets reality in like the encouragement or discouragement from someone who intimately knows and depends on you. The beauty of having trust is embedded in your lives together even if they don’t understand completely what you do and how you do it. They will look at your life together and try to envision how it will look. I know many people find this the hardest, but it’s part of the part of the fabric.

Again, realistic expectations don’t happen on their own. There are pieces of the puzzle that must fit together for you to find the right employer, position, and life. After 32 years of marriage, I can tell you there is a constant reset of realistic expectations. We evolve and change as life brings us our next challenges. Your job search similarly will bring you a steady flow of caveats. You can’t do it alone. Plan to reset often.

This article was originally published at Jobs2Careers.com! (Updated)

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

8 Ways Marriage Can Strengthen Married Job Seekers

We’re one, but we’re not the same

We get to carry each other…

One, U2

Over the years, I weight-lifted alone, but when I needed a spotter, there were people at my gym who helped me. Spotters are essential when the weight becomes too heavy. This year, I hurt my shoulder lifting weights even though I had someone to help. The injury wasn’t serious, but it could have been worse without help.

I learned to cope with it and the occasional throbbing, and it hasn’t stopped me. I can do other workouts and avoid that body part, which is what most people would do. Or I can do a different exercise requiring me to recruit other muscles to help that muscle.

If my body were my marriage and my shoulder were my job search, I would need my spouse to compensate for encouragement and strength when my job search was difficult. When I exert more with my weaker shoulder, I experience discomfort and more pain. So I need her to give me her version of a deep tissue massage on demand (asking oh so nicely). I do it for her when she needs it. At least that’s the way it should be. Right?

We’re taught in school, Sunday school, and marriage counseling that two are better than one in school, fitness, and business. Then how is it weirdly practiced when it comes to marriage? Studies show a two-person leadership team thrives, so why can’t marriage? It’s almost like we have this limiting belief that marriage cannot possibly benefit the careers of both spouses. When it comes to marriage and the careers of spouses, it gets weird, but it shouldn’t be.

I agree with experts: Constant communication is key. I found eight ways your marriage empowers your career when communication is a priority:

1. Your spouse knows how your strengths and weaknesses manifest

After the first six months, spouses discover how each other’s strengths and weaknesses affect their relationship. They will tell you honestly (although not always in the best way) what it looks like to them. Don’t take years to trust their judgment about what it looks like to others. It’s possible to look one way to employers and another to your network. Just as in weight-lifting, you need the spotter for the rep you can’t finish.

2. Access the power of your spouse’s network

You never know who your spouse is connected to in their network. You double your network and maybe your “net worth” in opportunities. And remember both sets of parents in having an immediate reach of contacts. For your in-laws to say they would like to refer their son-in-law or daughter-in-law carries weight.

Read 10 Ways Your Spouse Can Boost Your Career

3. Tell the truth

It’s always best to surround yourself with people who will be direct and truthful with you. In so many words, the times when I said the load was too heavy, like a spotter she shouted, “You can do it!” Everyone needs a spotter like her. This “spurring on” works best when more time is spent building each other up. Tearing down your spouse is easy because you know where the weaknesses are — but build each other up quickly with the truth, so those weaknesses are stronger than before. The process hurts but mostly needed to help your spouse’s career goals.

4. Bring out the best

Through competitive agitation or spurring one on to do their best, a spouse has a way of pressing the right buttons. It doesn’t always take someone understanding the full scope of the other’s profession.

Everyone needs courage, patience, persistence, perseverance, and resilience. A spouse in more ways than one inspires like no one.

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5. Sustain positivity

Your home is your refuge from work and frankly from the rest of the world, due to a unique but powerful character trait stemming from both people. When the home environment is fun, inspiring, and peaceful, it is a powerful tool to help during a long and discouraging job search.

Read Why Has Your Spouse Lost Her Mind When You Lost Your Job

6. Carry each other

Marriage requires 100% out of each, not 50–50. There are times when you’ll need to carry each other in your job search and workplace trials. The strongest marriages thrive by both spouses carrying a load physically, financially, and spiritually at some point. One may have a more responsive network than the other. “Your network is my network” should be the attitude.

7. Be a cheerleader/coach/encourager

My wife is the greatest source of encouragement I have. My mom is an excellent source, but no one energizes me like my wife. Conversely, no one can crush my feelings like my wife. When I had times of unemployment, I stayed on her good side as much as possible, which meant more than spending much of my time looking for a job.

Letting the frustration from your job search come to your home to ransack it is a mistake. You need all the encouragement you can get.

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8. Buffer the blows

When a job seeker senses things are terrible, the working spouse can help put things in perspective. All of us need a listening ear to make sense of nonsense and help defuse bombs before they go off. There is no such thing as a smooth job search.

When one spouse is going through a job search, then both are experiencing the effects. It can consume both spouses if it becomes a slow process. That is why it’s better for both to work as a team to shorten the search. Most people think about their contributions in one way, but there are many ways to lessen the stress and anxiety of uncertainty. One thing for sure: It’s helpful for the job-seeking spouse not to go it alone.