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How To Be Informed About Your Career Regrets By 40

How to Be Informed By Your Regrets Before 40 by Mark Anthony Dyson

Not all career decisions are amusing stories we can tell later, even if things turned out OK. We often lack foresight and insight when we’re in our early 20s. Sometimes our “yes” should have been “no”—and vice versa.

Setting career strategies and goals takes work. Yes, we want to take control of our careers by accepting full responsibility for our actions, creating opportunities for ourselves, and staying connected. There are those times when we put lots of food on our plates, but we will only eat some and often waste the food.

Some decisions seemed horrible then, but it was the right call. You may only appreciate those later, like when you’re over 40. I thought of a few, and perhaps you can spot them sooner than I did:

1. You said “no” and missed out

When you’re young, you value moving up the ladder and want life experiences with friends. You want both, but saying “no” to career opportunities (or a single one) leaves you with feelings of unrequited love. On the trip back to reality, your values mean more than status, and contentment means more than confinement in a career.

It’s bittersweet, but those relationships you built through your experiences were too valuable. Now you understand these relationships start the process way before any crisis.

You gain intelligence from coffee conversations, networking events, and a few informational interviews.

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Only after a few interactions, your resume will take a relevant shape.

2. You were fired, and afterward, your career stalledHow does it feel when you realize being “fired” was either a great new beginning or a shareable life lesson? Being “let go” was not judgment day, but it felt like it. It feels as if Satan, in the form of disappointment, is stalking you. It took years to get over the sting. The needles and pins of pain. The cloudy and stormy feelings of shame.

Some people need help in understanding why it happened, but others discover freedom and relief quickly is what was supposed to happen. You lost a job for reasons not uncommon to man. If you haven’t reframed it positively, now is the time to do so for the rest of your career.

3. You chose life over money.

Our parents told us to have fun and work hard in our 20s. Some of us were underemployed but refused to go home because we loved our freedom. We ate Spam or Ramen noodles to survive because we decided to immerse ourselves in our lives. The sting remained for years, but we can go to that place when challenges cloud our vision.

Sometimes we gain wisdom from there; other times, clarity or novocaine. You can see the ending to your story clearer, so now you save. Even better, happiness used to have a different cash value. Your ability to career management brings a smile and not a competitive smirk.

4. You lost track of tech and professional relationships.

Certain technologies can become old-school in a short time. Your career path can become irrelevant quickly if you are not on top of trends in your industry. Your friends indirectly challenged you to keep up because they were moving, and you knew you had to keep up.

Somewhere along the way, relationships changed, priorities rearranged, and we feel we should start over again. Tech is infused with life now, so you have to catch up. It will take a little while if you work on it daily.

5. You couldn’t accept “no” from a potential employer.

Rejection makes us more robust, and boy, is it painful at the time.

You spent more time over “what could have been” and less on what you have.

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Sometimes it turned out great, and then you’re grateful for the “trial.”

Remember those who benefited from your path and how it turned out because they are not better without you. Whether you just started a new job yesterday or 20 years ago, you can list 20 ways you’re valuable to your next employer. And do yourself a favor: Keep adding to the list.

6. The lousy boss had value, after all.

We may not like the messenger, but the message was on point. Sometimes our jagged little life-saving pill was brought by an ugly carrier pigeon, and we reject the message for the wrong reasons. In our late 30s or early 40s, we realize when a more acceptable package our ugly acting boss was right. We hated the message and the messenger.

Don’t worry, most of us have been there, but it would have saved us or someone else much heartache if we had looked much deeper at the message. The diamond isn’t in the delivery but in the package.

We get to where we realize what’s most useful and valuable lessons are only sometimes recognizable at first. We may have reached a more straightforward space before 40. But the one thing we do know is upon arrival. We appreciate our career journey more because clarity is an irreplaceable part of our experience.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Networking According to James Brown

Networking According to James Brown by Mark Anthony Dyson

Frankie Ajaye was a regular working and mildly popular comedian in the 70′s who once made a joke I’ll never forget on the “Midnight Special” (a 70′s variety show that came on at…ready?…midnight).

He said James Brown used only six words per album — beyond that, the others were saved for the next. If you ever seen a James Brown show on YouTube, then you can understand that a man known for performance and funky grooves stood out much more than his lyrical peers and contenders of the singer/songwriter era of the early 70′s.

James Brown is a member of the Rock ‘N Roll hall of fame primarily because of his performances and songs such as “Say It Loud (I’m Black and I’m Proud)” and over 100 pop and R&B chart appearances.

If you look at James Brown’s career, you can use his “Hardest Working Man in Show Business” philosophy in your networking. Networking is hard and takes a lot of energy and whatever you have in your personality and work ethic to stand out. In James Brown’s case, less words was the best strategy because his live performances spoke volumes. Your goal in networking and interviewing is for the job performances to speak for themselves and the words to be a supplement.

1. Like James Brown, you must “Get Up On The Good Foot”

Potential employers must enjoy components of your work, and the first impression is critical. To receive more introductions to influential people in the hiring process, it cannot be solely based on your saying so or that you “just want a chance”. Ready yourself and showcase what you deliver, and that will likely earn more meetings and opportunities. With job networking, the beginning is as important as the end.

2. Job networking that you must “Get Up, Get Into It…”

James Brown influenced a couple of generations of music in ways he never imagined, especially looking at the groups and people that emulated his dances and music. Like James Brown used his talent to influence, find ways networking will influence a variety of people and vice versa. Blogging is a great way to capture the attention of people who can spread the word about your abilities.

3. “Papa Don’t Take No Mess”

Tact and respect in every aspect of life is critical to your career, even if you are flipping burgers. There are countless stories about people who work for hourly wages making a lasting impression on strangers. But how you treat others matters more than your accomplishments and what it means to an employer and workers. The television show “Undercover Boss” has documented how great service, knowledge, and creativity — combined with hard work — impresses the big boss. And yes, it’s still networking, as everything is networking.

4. “…give the drummer some!”

When James Brown said this, he shared the spotlight with the drummer.

Let’s see…mmm…sharing the spotlight?

Nothing impresses me more than someone who offers his or her success stories seasoned with accrediting others. Not only does this person stand out, but also they demonstrate an acute ability to collaborate and build partnerships. Well, you know, networking with skill and purpose. Band members Fred Wesley and Maceo Parker (check out “Shake Everything You Got” on YouTube) worked for many years apart from James Brown’s band because he called both men’s names so often during performances that they made names for themselves.

5. “Get Up Offa That Thang”

James Brown performed up to 250 times a year in the 70′s and 80′s. Although for most people to attend job networking events like this is unrealistic, it is hard work to stand out in a field where many are jockeying for position. The combination of points 1-4 would provide enough for anyone to be considered “hard-working” without bragging. You have to “get up…”, network with others, and go where your career sojourn lands.

Back to Frankie Ajaye’s point about words…you don’t need many to convey your message in most cases. You actions will speak when your words cease. What is your job networking challenge? Is networking boring to you? Do you have a James Brown soul when it comes to job networking?

About Mark Anthony Dyson

by Mark Anthony Dyson

11 Ways to Hit a Home Run in Your Job Search

I know. Baseball season is here and I’m talking about home runs. Hear me out (no pun intended). But this is important.

You will fall behind the competition if you don’t stand out in today’s job search. For example,

I know promoting myself makes me feel squirmy, a little dirty, and even a little wordy. It’s likely it’s the same for your job search.

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It’s being afraid to slide into third base because you don’t want to stain your uniform. #jobsearch

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You can’t have it both ways. Want to hit a homerun? The effort to stand out means taking a chance you’ll be tagged out.

The idea came from this article on business, but I know it applies to other meaningful concepts. Many of us want to do things we’re comfortable with for success, but doing something that makes us uneasy or takes us out of our comfort zone are usually the best methods to achieve our goals.

Read: 5 Ways to Avoid the Dark Storm of Underemployment

There are things in your job search you haven’t tried yet, conversations you’re unwilling to have, and things you’re doing that are fruitless and should stop. Here are 11 of them:

1) Keeping track of accomplishments.

The question “How do you add value to your work?” can be dumbfounding, but necessary to answer. Interviewers will seek it out in many ways and the way to solve it is to know (and remember) your successes. Performance reviews, emails, meeting minutes, conversations with you and without you complimenting you are critical. Document all of it and know it’s gold throughout your career.

2) Public speaking.

It’s horrific, and sometimes it requires the casting out of demons, but for the sake of imbibing this point, let’s eliminate speeches. Let’s say it’s a panel interview and you have to be direct with five people. If you don’t, you won’t get the job. It’s a little more complicated than casting out demons, but there are many ways to get over the fear.

3) Cutting down distractions significantly.

Few people cut out television completely, but cutting it down could serve you well. A successful job search requires building up your personal brand. Few people take the time to build their brand (a huge mistake!), especially in the beginning stages. You need time, and too many job seekers are mindlessly mesmerized by television. Or social media. Or Tik Tok. You get the drift.

4) Seeking feedback.

I overheard a conversation where one person said their mentor never tells them anything negative. The friend said, “You mean critical?” The answer, “Yes! She knows I don’t like critique!” I can’t imagine having the mentors I had in my life without their constructive feedback.

Another way to look at it is how training is effective. Accreditation is important because of the useful and the response to required feedback. Can you imagine elementary schools with no feedback? Higher education?

5) Persistence through trials.

Finding a job or a career is hard work. If you’re without a job, for most of us the job search is the priority in our lives. If we’re employed and conducting a stealth job search, then our priorities shift to take care of the most urgent need.

Whatever it is, #persistence is what gets results. #courage #jobhunt

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Read Do You Know What Skills Employers Are Looking For?

6) Networking without a networking event.

The cliche, everything is networking and networking is everything in job search success. There are everyday conversations with opportunities behind them. If you’re intentional, you won’t need a scary networking event. Then there are social media channels where it’s expected to be social. Stop playing! You’re one conversation away from a breakthrough.

7) Defending your career choices.

Protecting your career choice is not always a negative conversation. Sometimes it clarifies your choices, especially if you’re passionate about it. You don’t always have to defend it with people who are most critical about any choice you make, but some people do care about you (and only you can discern this) and want to know your “why.”

8) Training others.

Training is the new learning, especially with the access to information and tools available to us. Even if it is one-on-one, it is a real lead generator. People are always looking for a knowledgeable person with patience and communication skills to help them learn something new.

9) Asking for compensation.

To accompany #8, ask and expect compensation for your time in a tactful and reasonable way. You’ll find it adds value to your needs and career. To an employer, getting paid for your training, consulting, or coaching shows you’re serious about your career. Sometimes an employer hesitates, thinking you may leave if consulting or coaching takes off. Then again, it may not be their business to know you are getting paid for it or achieving success at it. It is common for people to have side hustles, part-time jobs, or interests outside of work. You have a valuable skill, and people should compensate you for your time.

10) Promoting yourself.

When sharing your accomplishments don’t simply say, “I’m great!” It’s a fact that your accomplishments add credibility, which is more career advancing and personal brand building. Putting these adjectives from you with “I’m…” sends the wrong message. Credibility and specificity carry far more weight to others than any adjective we can put out there ourselves. Promote yourself for the credibility.

Listen to Graduates, the Skills Gap is Real

11) Confronting time-consuming complex problems.

Everyone values time, but what about the value to have a chance to solve career-defining issues? Patience and persistence are boosts to your career if you want to impress employers. Document how you address deeply involved projects and leverage them to demonstrate competency.

We expect miracles to take place too often because a method we try requires little effort. Since looking for jobs is inertia-sucking, we loathe the exhaustion to our body, brains, and heart without realizing that progress is needed to succeed. You don’t need to do everything, but relying on comfortable measures invalidates the sweet spot. Go ahead and aim for that home run. You’ll be tagged out at times, your uniform will be filthy, but you’ll be a better base runner.

Originally published on the Jobs2Careers blog! This is an updated version.