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7 Signs That A Moratorium On Marriage Has Occurred (Until You Find a Job)

Your spouse has given you at least 100 suggestions, hints, and clues that your search for a job are dormant. Static. An epic fail. You don’t get it. The issue isn’t the number of attempts. The issue could be you are not efficient, discipline, or effective in what you are doing.

If you are not yielding results like calls for interviews, or meeting people who can help you, it appears you are not doing enough. Even if, you argued that you have applied to 20 jobs today, the question remains: are you doing everything you can?

image: Douglas Bray

Your spouse sees that you are home more. Unfocused. Feeling sorry for yourself. Lacking the faith.

Slowly, the sky glazed with dark clouds that feel and looks like an attitude. What does it mean? Your spouse has inserted an unofficial moratorium on marriage activity. At least until you have gained traction on finding a job. Or at least, possess laser-like focus on obtaining results.

You, the victim in your spouses’ onslaught to teach you a lesson, think that this is revenge. This is a needed wake-up call.

Until there is daylight, your spouse has slowly purged the benefits you used to enjoy from your marriage. Although this is not the best way to support a spouse, you’re stuck with this response to your lack of response. The signs on the wall should offer clarity when you recognize the following:

1. Your spouse has stopped laughing at your jokes (or at least what used to make them laugh). Your situation has also stifled the joy out of your relationship. If it is not beneath you, self-deprecating humor would be better.

2. Your children and pets are receiving more affection than you. You can get a few more hugs or more by being forthcoming and accountable to your spouse. Let him or her give you advice, and you, the broke spouse, take the advice.

3. His or her parents are talking to you more than your spouse. Accept his or her parents advice too. This could be helpful, and you never know until you try. No, try the in-laws advice.

4. He or she is talking about the increased stressed. Are you at least taking on a part-time job, volunteering in using your skills, fervently networking, or doing the “side-hustle?”

5. You haven’t been called by your pet name since, well…forever! If your spouse only knew that you felt weak, discouraged, faithless, helpless, or closed in on leads, this too, will pass.

6. Intimate moments have dwindled to nanoseconds. See #5, and remember not to demand anything. This could make matters worse. Your renewed efforts and focus will be as sexy as the wedding day. Well, Ok, maybe not. But you’ll feel better about your relationship.

7. Get professional help. You may need a marriage coach and a job coach. But get the job coach first. Keep in mind you may need the marriage coach in the near future.

Our spouses are great career coaches. They can inspire us, or crush us with needed directness. Then we rise, and move forward as a better person. That is, upon accepting constructive criticism.

For most couples, this is a natural progression of how unemployment affects the relationship. It’s not permanent, and healthy marriages survive. Are you oblivious to the signs? Did I miss anything? Please feel free to comment below.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

7 Job Tips From Your Future Self

A couple of weeks ago, CNN published an article, “Six Tips From Your Future Self,” where the wise and elderly “You” offer life tips about managing your future finances and opportunities. I thought that I would take a hint from that article and offer job tips from a wiser, and older self. What would the older you say to the you now? I borrowed some of these tips from the article, and hope they will help.

1. Avoid prioritizing salary if possible

Job seekers with extended unemployment should seek professional financial planning. This will help you view money from a sober and balanced perspective. Desperate job seekers mistakenly look to salary to save them, and bad judgment follows. Discuss salary when it’s appropriate. Hint: It’s not the time in the first interview.

2. Take inventory of your deliverables

Before writing a résumé, evaluate and identify the skills that repair problems that an employer wants to address. Objectivity is a challenge for anyone, but for job seekers it is critical to establish a great first impression when talking to employers. Be sure you can deliver before you offer.

3. Seem relaxed at every important interview, meeting, networking event

It is hard to think and act when the blood pressure spikes. Calming techniques are useful at gatherings that a favorable impression is critical. It is rare that a high-strung individual impresses anyone positively.

4. Leave the party at home

Whatever way you like to party doesn’t matter as long as you leave it at home. Even cigarette breath is offensive these days in any job-related meeting.

5. No hasty decisions

“Yes” or “No” could be the wrong answers. Are you asking questions at EVERY interview? Are you satisfied with the responses? Are you clear about the questions asked, and your answers? Beyond the interview, it is important to make well-informed decisions. If you are ever unsure, you have work to do.

6. Admit when you’re wrong

There is nothing wrong with changing you’re course of action, even it is the middle of another decision. Changing your mind is OK. Changing your course of action is OK too. It’s called humility.

7. Take control of your online profiles

Your activities online should lean towards business than pleasure. As an entrepreneur or a job seeker people will take in account who you are on-line as part of who you are as a potential business partner. Come across as you are ready for business, otherwise, you are leaving money on the table.

8. Ask for help (BONUS TIP!!)

There is a coach and mentor for everything, and many times it’s a great investment. If you can’t hire someone, then you really can ask opinions and advice of knowledgeable friends. You don’t have to go down the untraveled road alone.

Why not be the wise man now? It takes planning, researching, and careful implementation to be successful, or at least to appear wise.

Is there one more thing you would like to add to this list? Do you mind sharing it below?

by Mark Anthony Dyson

The Great Job Search Will Fail Forward

The great job search will fail forward. Tomorrow will bring good results after trails, snags, and failures, and that is good. People who are conducting using a wide range of resources, people, and opportunities are not afraid to fail and benefit. Those who are conducting job searches using easy methods fail with no benefits. It’s that simple.

There are “NO” short cuts!
Resilient and steadfast people understand that “no” is part of the road to hearing yes. Job seekers must withstand rejection, smile, and be ready to do it again in an hour. Job seekers will hear “no” several times a day, even during the holidays. They must be ready to endure and work around many obstacles. It is part of the process.

Disappointment such as follow-up calls and email from job seekers asking about their application, resume, or voice mail will hear “no” repeatedly. A persistent job seeker filters through “No!” The same attitude MUST wade through the waters of no replies, unanswered inquiries, and vague answers from administrative assistants. This what makes the job search process scary and daunting–the risk of reject is frequent and unpredictable.

The rejections will lead to “YES,” eventually.
Many of us hate the follow-up call for anything. This is a habit of successful people who are in sales, and who are executives. They become skilled negotiators and influence many because they have entertained “no” constantly throughout their careers. The fruit of rejection is not always a corrupt tree. Think of it as a tree of good fruit as bad fruit will always drop to the ground.

Look at the resume one more time for an error.
Think about your answer to the hard questions one more time.
Stop obsessing over rejection. Start using it to perfect the delivery of goods that only you possess.

Success is the fruit of failure.

People who have little patience to wait, or little tolerance for rejection fail often. They are afraid to try, and fear being told “no.”
People who do not see failure as part of the design for survival. Some very talented, underemployed yet to be job seekers are wasting their talent because they avoid rejection.
The fear of success overcomes many of the responsibility of helping others.

I thought I would include Denzel Washington’s University of Pennsylvania speech to reiterate the ideal of “failing forward.” Hope you enjoy it.

Do you fit into one of these categories? Do you hate hearing “no” or any form of rejection? Do you fear success? Let me know what part of the job seeking process scares you.