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4 Things That a Slow Job Search And A Boring Marriage Share

Unemployment becomes your life, and dominate your thoughts if you don’t get in control of it from the beginning. For sure a slow job search sucks. Maybe you were zealous in finding a job, and making strides at first like a torrid love affair, but as time progress, your job search turned stale. It happens in marriage relationships. Did it happen to your job search?

I suggest that today your job search is like a marriage relationship. You sleep with HIM, you think of HER throughout the day, you miss HIM, yet you are disenchanted with HER. Either tragedies can change your life for the worst. Allow me to offer four common threads with glaring similarities:

Lack Variety

Jobseekers want to use only one or two job hunt strategies. They implement the easiest way such as filling out online applications, or asking the same 10 Facebook friends for job leads. A job hunt needs spice, and at times inspires results. What if your marriage is one dimensional? Is that acceptable to you? I hope not!

Lack Quality

Will sending out hundreds of resumes a month and filling out hundreds of job applications monthly bring success? There are countless stories of people sending hundreds of resumes to employers, cold, and fast, but to no avail. Try to add a bunch of intrepid changes to your marriage at once will only hinder the entire dynamic of the relationship. Instead, focus on improving one or two areas at a time. Think long term. Think permanent changes.

Taken For Granted

Nothing is like being second fiddle to anyone else if you are the spouse of an unemployed jobseeker. A successful job search does not happen by itself. It takes cultivating relationships, ad giving back to others. Show gratitude no matter how needy you think you are. Like your spouse, a job search needs and your undivided attention.

Complacency

After 20 years of marriage, my wife and I still flirt, play, and make each other better. Most of all, we are cognizant of treating others better, especially those who are outside of the immediate family. As an active jobseeker, treating others well is just as valuable as finding a game changing job lead. At times, it seems that you give more than you get, but the return is priceless. Offer leads to people you know who need help. Be a resource for others, and perhaps, it may be reciprocated.

You may feel that you married your job search, but this is for a short time. Commitment, dedication, and tenacity are also words associated with both. However, marriage often exceed expectations of what we give, and what we get.

by Mark Anthony Dyson

The Wrong Way to Brown Nose Future Employers

I wonder about the department that hired Raheem. He didn’t possess the right skills for the position. But they hired him any way. When you can’t deliver a sustained competent job performance for your co-workers, it becomes ugly. Fast. Yeah, they fired Raheem.

Raheem got the job where he wanted through networking. He had a positive approach and landed a promotion. There. That would be the bottom-line, but he kissed up to his potential employer. Lots of kissing up. Sucking sounds as in suck-up. Sloppy sounding kissing-up.

Compliments.

“What can I do for you?”

He laughed at lame jokes.

Agreed with everything that was said.

Tried too hard to be friends with everyone in that department.

Once he sent a voicemail blast wishing everyone a great weekend. My friend thought it was great until you heard the quality of the recording, and the fact that he didn’t mention anybody by name. When she saw the light, the saw the forest and trees too.

None of his sucking up was authentic. When people see a fake, it becomes ugly. Fast.

The take-a-ways from this post:

It is never worth selling your soul for a position by being a “Yes” man or woman
Anyone who leaves his or her integrity at the front door, and leaves value. Be explicit in what you can and cannot deliver

He frequently visited our managers to ask how to do spreadsheets , powerpoint presentations, and other duties he did not have the skills for his new department. They helped him for a short time, but they too saw the light. Without going into great detail of how Rahiem was sucked up into a new job, he could not deliver the daily goods. But let me backup second to paint a picture of how I think the interview must have went. Check out this episode of That 70’s show where Eric Forman interviews for a Burger Place.

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The frequent calls to that department, asking to hang out was painful. This was not networking. This turned into shameless requests, and begging. Two years this lasted. The sound of slurping on the phone with them. You can mistaken a sucking sound of a lollipop for as much as talked to them. He unleashed flurries of complimentary adjectives to them, and about them daily. He had no shame. Everyone in the company knew he wanted a job with this one department.

He had lunch with them daily. Not anyone could have lunch with them daily. Nor can anyone infiltrate this department’s fraternal bond. He did.

Rahiem performed decently, as I was the one of the go-to guys in the department, I saw his work frequently. I had no reason to unfairly critique his work. I tried to treat everyone the same, even if he or she kissed-up as means of a promotion.

Rahiem started as a contract employee in the Customer Service Center. From day one, he had aspirations to go elsewhere. And there is nothing wrong with that. All of us knew that customer service was a temporary entry point for some, and a long tenure for others.

Rahiem is hard to dislike, but as a professional brown-noser he made my head hurt. I worked with Rahiem for a few years, and really, his approach was beyond the bounds of nepotism. He had one objective: to suck-up his way to a promotion. Maybe you know Rahiem. You may know Raher, Rahiem’s twin.

I told this story backwards. I found it more interesting to tell the ending first, so that people avoid being Raheim or Raher. Just be you!

by Mark Anthony Dyson

Teach Your Employed Teen About Career And Life

Your working son or daughter cannot wrap his or her head around money or worth yet. They will need to understand the value career and life. Teaching this to children may save them heartache, so they won’t sell themselves short.

My son, “Boy Wonder,” has a budget from us on payday. He knows to save X amount for the first year of college because he will not work. He pays his own cell phone bill (two months in advance). He gives his brother an allowance (he insisted on giving an allowance).

The rest is for himself. We allow a little freedom for him to spend it on what he wants, but we have used his freedom as training opportunities.

Parents need to look for training opportunities that will add value, and not build Dad or Mom’s domain of authority. Although he or she is 16 or 17, and legally a parent’s responsibility, the bully in the parent should be dying, and the trainer and mentor are regular guests. That is if they are not doing drugs, or out of control the bully will need to stay longer. But I digress.

It is the trainer and mentor that will need to show a lifelong lesson to their employed teen about value.

Demonstrate responsibility monetary value, not just the value of money. My working son used calls me “frugal” and not cheap. He is starting to shop around, but his natural inclination is seeing it—get it. Instead of saying “no,” have them research before acting. Have him or her share what they earn with siblings.
Mistakes and error in judgment are OK. Teach them the correct way. Video games are a tool for this lesson. Both of my sons have used their money to buy games they regret. “Boy Wonder”has bought two video games ever since November 2010.
Show them the value of doing the dirty work. This is a career lesson for every age: dirty work sustains value at 17 for life. I told the story of my son cleaning poop at work and assigned to poop duty several times after the one incident. He knows that he may need to do that for a patient one day as a nurse. Some of the value is in sharing that with every employer he interviews with how it translates to his future career.
Model for them what money will not bring, and the value this adds to life. If he or she is saving, sharing, learning, earning, and implementing the lessons learned, eventually they will adapt your values and philosophies (assuming that this is out of love and not an obligation).
Display the value of love. The hardest thing for a parent to do is not to allow success and failure to influence the attention given to your working teen’s siblings. Love is unconditional, and each lesson as a result of failure needs to have the same intensity of love given in success.