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This Is Why Your Spouse Is A Great Career Advisor

This Is Why Your Spouse Is a Great Career Advisor by Mark Anthony Dyson

Many of us would love to work with our spouse in some way shape or form. Not me.

She is so honest with me that it hurts, and I am not one to crawl in pain all day long. Having said that, she has offered some of the best career advice. She said I should start a business. She surveyed her family and came up with a name before purposing the idea. I have not looked back since, nor entertain any regrets.

She suggested I write a book. I am playing with the idea although I have an e-book and white papers for public consumption. I am already overthinking it. Maybe if I had a co-writer, but then again, I have trust issues.

Not all spouses have that gift, but I married my wife because of the painful honesty she is loaded with about me. I recommend it if your spouse is honest with you that you invite the truth. I mean, about everything, particularly you. It’s a risk, but it’s a win. Here are my five reasons why you should seek painful but honest career advice from your spouse:

1) After the pain comes the healing. Your spouse is honest enough to tell you that you don’t have what it takes to be a great poet. And even if you were, would it pay the bills? What if you asked others and were told the same thing? Then probably, you’re thankful that the conversation took place.

2) Your spouse can encourage you like no one else. He or she knows what motivation buttons to push. Who doesn’t need someone remembering your strengths?

3) His or her critiques are often open doors to fix relationship issues. Sometimes our spouses critiques are double-edged swords. You asked for his or her opinion, but this particular time it had a ZING to it. Is this an opportunity to look a little deeper to see how deep the issue relates to home?

4) The advice is to protect you from yourself. Areas that used to be your strengths are no longer as valuable, and your spouse indicates that you should move on. On the contrary, the advice may mean, “Win.” she says. “Go win!”

5) Your spouses vision may be bigger, brighter, and bodacious than yours. How encouraging and strengthening is that? When you think supervisor, he thinks executive vice president? You may have to analyze if that is realistic or not, but the point is this is your spouses vision of you.

When you ask for help from your spouse, it is likely you’ll receive reality. At least you can start there. It’s a good thing they can crush you like no one else if their advice stems from love.

Would you trust your spouses’ career advice? Why or why not? Let me know what you think in the comments.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

How to Create Realistic Expectations During Your Job Search

Your job search needs to be dynamic, but based on realistic expectations. We envy those who make it look easy. I liken it to getting and staying married. When I met my wife, it wasn’t “love at first sight.”

Are you ready for an emotional ride of sorts? Are you willing to employ grit and grind? That’s what it will take in 2023 and beyond. There is a lot of waiting, too. This is only one part of the job search because smart and savvy job seekers understand it’s a combination of their network, timing, and a strong personal brand in concert. A big part of it is your understanding of what an employer needs. Perhaps they need you at this time.

You won’t know until you’re willing to be a little bold (which is a realistic expectation).

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Looking at how easily other job seekers get jobs can hurt your mindset. I remember watching other couples, I wanted to be them, but with the right girl. It was going to take time—so will your job search.

Is your job search network friendly? Are you prepared for incremental gains? Will you be persistent and resilient enough to remain the focus for a possible 6-9 month job search? The Bureau of Labor and Statistics says unemployment is below 5%, but people are more transient in their careers. Yes, baby boomers will work until they are 75 years old, but many people are advancing their careers by changing jobs. Right now, there are active and underemployed job seekers on the market, taking advantage of their employability by remaining employed while looking.

There won’t be an easy way to do it either. Today’s job search requires 100% engagement and a wide variety of approaches. The “click and submit” method is not nearly sufficient. I’ve heard other career professionals quote (and I have done so in the past) 80% of all jobs are posted on job boards, but I don’t think it’s true. This article from the Wall Street Journal cites it too from 2013. I do think there’s a chunk of jobs not posted, and more existing because the employer hasn’t met you. Yet.

Realistic expectations don’t come naturally. You must insert them inside your strategy. I met my wife through her best friend, who I was dating at the time. As I mentioned, it wasn’t “love at first sight” for that reason. But her best friend and I didn’t work out, yet, I wasn’t focused on pursuing my future wife.

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Along the way your perspective will be challenged in many ways:

Downtime will challenge realistic expectations.

Dating is best when you have options. So is your job search. More people are searching for new opportunities, and if your job search is your “second job,” you won’t have much downtime. It does say you need to create some, and it’s challenging. Conversely, if you are unemployed, you have too much time and should create a schedule, a to-do list, and employ a multi-level approach. This means to create long-term career plans, not just to get the job now.

Get my free eGuide, 50 Practical Modern Job Search Tips You Need Today

Accountability sets realistic expectations.

Expanding and cultivating your network powers your job search. It is the tool to make your efforts meaningful and holistic. Invite people who are unabashedly truthful but empathetic as part of your team. Ask them to be truthful and reward them for it.

Informational interviews (business conversations) help set realistic expectations.

Interviews with hiring managers fill in the blanks if you’re asking the right questions about the industry, the position, and the skills. When I became interested in my wife (a year removed from dating her best friend), I asked a lot of questions of our common friends. I didn’t want to come off desperate and knew they would report everything. If you go to an employer in a desperate state and ask for a job (that may not exist), you’re in the wrong mental space. Done right, it could enhance future conversations and interactions with other hiring managers, your resume, and your value. It’s intel for future conversations and real interviews unless they invite you to the party.

Continued learning will heighten realistic expectations.

Successful job candidates are perpetual learners. They find ways to add to his or her career arsenal and apply it their work, side hustles, or content. If you’re changing careers, standing out by teaching what you learned is a way to catch the eyes of recruiters or hiring managers since most people refuse to do everything that it takes. I think that was the turning point of my relationship, both of us learning and believing we’ll do what it takes.

Your spouse or partner will set realistic expectations in proper perspective.

Nothing sets reality in like the encouragement or discouragement from someone who intimately knows and depends on you. The beauty of having trust is embedded in your lives together even if they don’t understand completely what you do and how you do it. They will look at your life together and try to envision how it will look. I know many people find this the hardest, but it’s part of the part of the fabric.

Again, realistic expectations don’t happen on their own. There are pieces of the puzzle that must fit together for you to find the right employer, position, and life. After 32 years of marriage, I can tell you there is a constant reset of realistic expectations. We evolve and change as life brings us our next challenges. Your job search similarly will bring you a steady flow of caveats. You can’t do it alone. Plan to reset often.

This article was originally published at Jobs2Careers.com! (Updated)

About Mark Anthony Dyson

This is How to Defeat Job Search Depression Today

This is How to Defeat Job Search Depression Today by Mark Anthony Dyson

It’s easy to say get counseling during a job search depression. It’s not simple to do. We focus on the obstacles and forgetting our cheering section. All of the burdens of life are shouldered because you know your family is expecting you to “carry your weight!” It’s not easy to avoid depression, but I urge you to fight it during your job search.

“Get back out there and try!” It hurts to hear it and is somewhat debilitating. Make the chanters understand how it hurts then get back to the job search! What most people don’t get about unemployment–it is the four wall room in lower in the American basement of society.

But, go and get counseling. Professional counseling for your depression. My anecdotes are temporary, but it won’t solve your long term issues.

My friend Keirsten Greggs said it perfectly as it may apply to some of you:

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And of course, follow up on any and every lead handed to you. Yes, even UPS! Oh, you might like Amazon better.

It’s not that you’re not appreciative, but you’ve internalized the relationships, found a comfort zone, and liked some of the career-defining work. It’s disappointing when there were circumstances you couldn’t control, and it wasn’t under your terms. Dysfunctional or not, your last coworkers were like family even if they didn’t know you outside of work.

Counseling is good and maybe needed. But it’s maybe one hour. You have 167 hours to fight on your own. I’ve been down there before but found ways to deal with it. Mostly, people who exited without a say so deal with loss differently than those who do:

Read Three Signs Underemployment Has Stole Your Soul

1. Bring closure to the loss of your last job(s)

People can sense your loss and how negatively it affects you when you talk (or don’t talk). Even if it is all your fault, come to terms with the loss. One job is not everything you are. Your job is to find who you are and promote your value. Until then, it’s difficult to be rational and positive.

Job search depression is real, but you’re not going to get permission to give up. Nor should you want it.

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2. Focus on others, and be solution oriented

No pity parties, no “should” party, and don’t let others should all over you. Serving others is the best distractions and also a way to rediscover your strengths and gifts. You often get back by giving first. Great conversations often end with value exchange and follow-up.

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3. Focus on and serve family

Unemployed or in-between employment, this is the time to put extra focus on family, household duties, and parents. Everyone should benefit from the extra time you have.

Let them give the emotional support you need to re-tool and repurpose during your career transition.

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If you have children, you will gain perspective, and they will gain more emotional security by the increased involvement.

Read Do You Treat Your Career Search Like a Stuffed Cat?

4. Exercise

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It’s the great stress reliever and equalizer. In fact, create significant visual and mental goals. If not losing weight, make it a goal to gain muscle or both. Go to YouTube and look for household or playground workouts. These are intensive enough to make moderate gains in your fitness goals. The more rigorous, the better to achieve level-up concrete goals.

5. Do encouraging and confidence building activities

For many people, this also means stop the small things that trigger negative thinking. Television and some movies are small deterrents, yet many “little” distractions could add up to one big “fed-up!” Volunteering could serve you well to build your confidence. You will be appreciated when the value added is through your strengths. You can control your schedule and if strategized, use skills to increase your career market value.

Listen to 3 Ways to Manage Your Fluctuating Emotions During Your Job Search

We could go on to discuss taking courses, journaling, and or blogging could help build your career. What’s important is how you intrinsically deal with depression and changing behavior associated with it. Job search depression cannot be allowed black cloud space over your head or heart.