Unemployment brings more than just monetary and self-esteem issues. No one talks about the powerful drain it brings to a relationship.
Well, at least most relationships. In my many years of marriage, I was the one who went through iterations of joblessness. And we were able to get through them all. In the last couple of decades, especially the last decade since our sons went to college and left home, we’ve smoothed it all out.
I’ve made the rounds of career coaching, advising, consulting, and all in between (but no longer one-on-one). In those times, clients would share very professional experiences, only for them to spill over into their narratives about their personal relationships.
Here’s the one thing no one talks about when talking about the turbulence of relationships when a spouse loses a job:
While money is a factor, it’s not the sole reason for failure.
It’s not solely the loss of faith, although it could factor in.
Often, it’s the faulty communication between the unemployed and the employed in the relationship, or the lack of communication from the employed to the unemployed.
Allow me to pontificate a little with one statement.
Your communication, from either perspective, can make or break. Even your lack of communication can devastate.
Both can undermine sound judgment while seeking good work. One could actually settle because it’s something, the other is something because they’re settled. Each has an ingredient for toxins, resulting in destruction.
While the couple pieces together the money, and emotional conversation. They forget to hash out the critical career conversation. Whether you think the mending of a relationship is equally as vital as having the career conversation, it’s often a hairline fracture difference from where the break is.
Without that conversation, the unemployed person may grab the first job out of panic—because “something is better than nothing.” Meanwhile, the employed spouse may quietly resent the strain or push for quick fixes that undermine long-term judgment.
That’s how unemployment becomes more than a job problem. It becomes a relationship problem—one miscommunication at a time.
About Mark Anthony Dyson
I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.