The Voice of Job Seekers

Mark Anthony Dyson ★ Career Writer ★ Speaker ★ Thinker ★ Award-winning Blog & Podcast! ★ "The Job Scam Report" on Substack! ★ I hack and reimagine the modern job search!

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The Changes, Challenges, and Chores of Relationships and Unemployed

The Changes, Challenges, and Chores of Relationships and Unemployed

 

 

Life can go awry when one partner is suddenly unemployed. Everything will be scrutinized, but will the relationship survive? There are times when life needs to be right before things change in unemployment land.
Whether a job seeker has chosen to be unemployed or is a victim of downsizing, no one is perfectly prepared for the imminence of mental, emotional, and spiritual warfare. There is no way to predict the outcome of how life will continue because of the fluctuation of today’s job market.
The ambitious people will want to do many things, but not the right things. Therefore, the universe and the stars should align if the objectives are clear, and the spouse does not harass you about fifty other household chores they like done upon arrival from work.

Changes

Now that time is in your hands. Things are left undone when you are a slave to the work rhythm. It is natural to feel loss, and mourning is a natural response to being unemployed. For many job seekers, the bulk of emotional support was from coworkers.
Since access to them will diminish (especially if you are married with kids), transitioning to exclude them from daily contact is a significant change. As the infrequency of contact becomes noticeable, the realization of detachment can be heartbreaking. There are some practical steps you can take to help you move forward:
  1. Less contact is good unless the work hooks you up with contacts, networking opportunities, or valuable job-finding information.
2.    Do not let yourself be trapped by office gossip. You have better things to do with your time.
3.    Share positively, be informative, and support is reciprocated.

Challenges

There will be intrinsic and extrinsic factors that will cause conflict for job seekers with families while unemployed. It is even more complicated if both partners are out of work and looking for jobs. Good communication is a work-in-progress but is difficult to forge and formulate. It takes time and honesty to share and clarify goals, needs and wants. Marrieds with children have the most difficulty deciding who will sacrifice their career and whose schooling is the priority.
One mistake couples make in communicating is each person’s perception of one conversation. Since feelings and priorities change like the direction of the wind, discussing each step often is critical to protect each other’s feelings. The challenge again is, to be honest about how you feel:
  1. How do you feel about your partner’s efforts to look for a job? Do you trust their approach to finding employment? Are they missing opportunities because of a lack of action?
  2. Do you feel that your partner should take the first opportunity offered? Do you want your partner to hold out until the best chance comes? Do you trust your partner’s judgment?
  3. What is each person willing to sacrifice? Salary? Time? What should each person’s role be?

Chores

People I have coached, mentored, or trained have problems with being late and lack organization. The job-related document, or an appointment, they have contracted the “late bug.” If a person looks like an episode of “Hoarders,” there is a problem.
Hearing the tone of, “…he’s unemployed for a reason…” is unfair, but unfiltered as unfair.
A life in disarray will result in a life enslaved by chaos. Not that anyone would get there on purpose, but some signs appear if it has not already:
  • I AM forgetful of everything, such as car and home keys, passwords, cell phones, and phone numbers.
  • I find house duties and job search responsibilities hard to prioritize on the same day.
  • I am not handling criticism well nor inviting input.
Does your partner have a problem with your disorganization? With time on your hands (if you are out of work), this would be the best time to organize everything. Finances, job-related information, clothes, personal identifying documents, credit, and living are best cleaned and managed to help relieve the stress of unemployment and for your peace of mind.
Unemployed. This, too, will pass.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

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Bad Career Advice is Given By Good and Bad Career Advisors

Bad Career Advice is Given By Good and Bad Career Advisors by Mark Anthony Dyson

Bad career advice is freely offered these days and pretty reckless at times. People will give advice coming from an experience or life experience. While sharing what happened to them took place, the assumption of “it will happen to you” is projected to their listeners. The real question for you to ask is, “Is this advice for me?”

 For reasons unknown, some will wonder if the advice applies to them and will fill in the blanks with context themselves. Others are gullible and will use it and project the same direction (maybe with a bit of variation) to their audience.

It’s time to talk about it. I just read this Havard Business Review article published a few days after my article on bad career advice.

While a career advisor’s intent sometimes is pure, lousy career advisors advise others for selfish reasons. I hear certified career coaches’ cries saying this is why people should pursue advisors with coaching accreditations. I can make a case contrary to suggest more than a few career coaches are greedy and have misplaced motives for bad advice.

But I digress. Well, slightly.

Good and reliable career advice from reliable sources is vital now. It’s time for people to be discerning through their advice-seeking, even if it’s from coaches who have vetted experience. Yes, follow the career professionals with a history of great advice in YOUR eyes. It will be great to have several people you trust consistently show up unselfishly and thoughtfully. Still, people taking advice must work hard to apply it to their situations and beware of shallow and misguided advice.

Watch out for the wolves.

Unfortunately, some people masquerade as good advice-givers will appear as great people. They know the game: give good advice to get your services. Remember, 95% of them will repeatedly offer the same recycled advice, but more often than not, they are looking for low-hanging fruit. Usually, they are folks who are intelligent but at wit’s end. They will borrow some universally sound advice to bait people and claim they have testimonies on their website as proof of quality services but are quick to pounce on people to onboard with them.

Some signs of wolves in sheep’s clothing:

  • They are (at best) one or two-trick ponies. They often advise without real-life examples or context of how and to whom it applies.
  • They’re more interested in being right than being suitable for your situation. The same people don’t try to understand before being understood (Shout out to Stephen Covey).
  • Their advice is aesthetically pleasing or a fine-sounding argument, but it doesn’t work. A good example is when someone is dissatisfied with someone having a one-page resume (and caveats if you’re under 30 years old). It’s outdated since young professionals have had four jobs with substantive training, accomplishments, and professional development. Yes, college students with five or more jobs before graduating college may have career-relevant achievements.
  • They try to become your friend TOO fast. Cults aren’t the only ones recruiting you and trying to prove their worth. They want you to follow them, maybe give you a discount, and buy one or more of their services. Vet them and take time to see how they are beyond their presentation. Google them, see whom they associate with, and vet who recommends them.  
  • Their best advice is always the next episode (“if you want to know, sign up for my…”). You should sell to get your money, but is everything you offer come with a sales pitch? Offering value is the currency for the long game. Selling is not bad. Just the illusion of good advice through overwhelming sales pitches is terrible. 

The good ones will assess incessantly.

A good personal trainer will conduct some assessments before training and ask many questions. They must do because the wrong prescriptive exercise can cause injuries and exacerbate additional damage before their assessment. 

I remember seeing a personal trainer at a gym (use your imagination) having their client perform weighted step-ups on a chest bench press and favoring her left side than the right. She was not enjoying the experience, grimacing in pain and looking like she would fall at any moment. Had the trainer assessed, he would have chosen another exercise that was safer, doable, and perhaps more enjoyable. Similarly, a good career professional would do the same. 

Career professionals have their moments, tho! 

I’ve noticed good career advisors, from time to time, have good intentions but occasionally give bad advice. Likely it’s because of the lack of context or experience in the industry. But they’re not hiding behind obscurity or generalities. In my experience, they are generous and are always looking to perfect their crafting. The job market constantly shifts, and they need to understand industry trends. Many of us belong to a professional group or two and are connected to reputable career professionals. 

They will also uphold integral practices and transparency and invite insight from other career professionals. They understand that not everyone’s path is the same or one-size-fits-all. Since March 2020, our advice may generally change and sometimes be trumped by engaged industry professionals (like an engineer who just changed jobs to get a promotion in engineering). An established could give the most updated advice for their industry—better than career coaches, advisors, counselors, or anyone like me(ha!). Most of us have gone through job searches at a time in our lives. We empathize with job seekers’ frustration and want to make things easier and provide help. 

I can’t emphasize every job seeker needs to vet any career advice, even if it’s sound. The best advice you’ll find is ones aligning with your goals, situation, and energy. Your job search can function without a dozen advisors, but it doesn’t hurt if they all add value. It’s detrimental if you’re looking for shortcuts and fast results. There aren’t any. 

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.

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4 Remedies to Fix Bad Career Advice

4 Remedies to Fix Bad Career Advice by Mark Anthony Dyson

Nothing is worse than bad career advice. It looks like sour advice and tastes like leather, but it’s terrible career advice. If advice received from friends and family sounds like a trick or gimmick, although helpful at times, it cannot be the pattern of your job search. Now and then, an act of boldness will stand out in a deluge of applicants, as long as the cost is minimal in the big picture.

Bad advice is often broad and vague, but they swear by it. Unfortunately, they’ve created echo chambers of people who will validate their claims.

Good advice comes from anyone, too. Career professionals and entrepreneurs don’t own the block on helpful advice.

The best advice has context and is customized to a specific person or people. If you see how our job market is splintered, there are people in tech saying the sky is falling and everyone else saying it’s a hot job market.

But I digress. More on this later.

Context. You, the advice taker, will need to perpetually contextualize career advice.

 

Bad can always be modified and customized to the situation. People are still offering this career advice in 2022. The fix is pretty 2011.

These are my suggestions to remedy outdated  advice:

1. “It’s all about perception, so you are not lying.”

Good hiring managers will sniff out illusions, especially if the resume lacks plausible claims about the experience. If your resume sounds more like a job description, then perception becomes a delusion. The Fix: Stick with the facts. The more measures and metrics a resume offers, the more you stand out.

2. “Just show up! You don’t need a resume!”

Yes, anyone can get an interview without a resume, but showing up without one is a mistake. Do everything you can to show diligence throughout the hiring process. The Fix: It never hurts to have your resume in tow or easily accessible at all times. Don’t treat it like a flyer. Instead, treat it more like a letter of intent.

3. “Just to need to spend some time on Indeed and apply to a bunch of jobs.”

Unemployment would be less than 1% of job search was that easy. The Fix: Try everything! Start networking and conduct informational interviews with the right strategy. You should nurture and foster relationships so you’ll learn to talk to the right people. Isn’t that the goal? It takes time, thought, and patience.

4. Any statement that anyone starts, “All you have to do…”

The Fix: You have my permission to turn their volume down or turn your volume up. You can also turn them off if you can do so without violence. Anyone who follows advice from “All you have to do…” deserves the results it brings (hint: it’s usually disappointing). Feel free to vet all advice you hear, see, or involuntarily ask for.

I’m sure you can think of more bad advice you should ignore. Let me know if you do.

About Mark Anthony Dyson

I am the "The Voice of Job Seekers!" I offer compassionate career and job search advice as I hack and re-imagine the job search process. You need to be "the prescription to an employer's job description." You must be solution-oriented and work in positions in companies where you are the remedy. Your job search must be a lifestyle, and your career must be in front of you constantly. You can no longer shed your aspirations at the change seasons. There are strengths you have that need constant use and development. Be sure you sign up to download my E-Book, "421 Modern Job Search Tips 2021!" You can find my career advice and work in media outlets such as Forbes, Inc., Fast Company, Harvard Business Review, Glassdoor, and many other outlets.